Wednesday, March 4, 2015

We have history but not a future!

Just because we have history does not mean we have a future. It may be a friend, a family member, or a lover. You have to be willing to cut your losses if you're no longer gaining anything from the relationship or friendship. Gaining in this sense means growth, forward progress, and a healthy relationship. People change for the worst sometimes and you have to recognize that and change the people you're around. 

I have loyalty to God and myself first. I came in alone and I'm going in the ground alone. I won't let anyone help me get there faster by stressing me to death. Sometimes you may have to cut someone off for a season just so they can see that you're willing to live your life peacefully without them. Misery loves Company and I refuse to be either of them. I refuse to be Miserable and I refuse to be the Company. I stress myself out enough. I don't need someone else stressing me on top of that. 

We often confuse loyalty with a lack of self-love. To keep someone in your life who doesn't respect, appreciate, or genuinely support you isn't loyalty. That's a lack of self-love. Loyalty is being loyal to yourself first and loving yourself enough to demand equal treatment. Everyone in your life should reciprocate the love, respect, and support you give them. If you're always there for someone when they need you but they're never there for you when you need them, that's a sign they aren't really on your team. 

I'm not an advocate of quitting or giving up just to quit or give up. I'm an advocate of self-love. I'm an advocate of self-respect. I'm an advocate of win-win relationships and friendships. I'm not into settling. I'm not into suffering. I'm not into struggling, on purpose. There are those who say "everyone today just wants to give up and quit." Naw bruh, you need to stop playing games with people's hearts and minds and give them a reason not to quit on you. But if you're an adult and you're playing games and giving someone half of you but expecting their all, you need to be quit on. I hope you get quit on TODAY, just so you learn that you have to be in or out. You can only get out what you put in. You can't deposit $50 into an account and then withdraw $200. It doesn't work like that. 

I'm writing this today because yesterday I received a lot of emails to and everyone was asking "how do I get over this person if we have this and this and this together." It will never be easy. You may have kids together, a business together, and decades of history; but if your present relationship is killing you slowly, that person can't be a part of your future. 

Here's what I do: 
1. My last message is nice and cordial to let them know that I'm not walking away harboring hate in my heart. I'm forgiving them and I'm forgetting them. 

2. I block them from my phone, social media, and everywhere else except the Lamb's Book of Life. 

3. I don't answer them in any way or to anyone else about them. I've turned them over to Jesus. Won't He do it? 

4. If I've given them too many chances and we aren't blood they will never hear from me again unless I pass them in the streets. That conversation will be so cordial and quick they won't know what happened. 

5. If we are blood, I wait until I get a release in my heart and their heart, mind, and attitude has changed. Then I'll give them another chance because family is forever, sometimes!

6. Don't get me wrong. It can be my mother, my father, my sister, cousin, uncle, aunt or whoever. If they have stressed me down to my last nerve and then they start tap dancing and A-Town stomping on that last nerve, I'm going to turn them over to Jesus just like I'd do the guy or girl next door. I REFUSE to go to my grave early because of someone else's foolishness. Family is not a good enough excuse to stress to me to death. Jesus and I love you but He told me to cast my cares on Him so I will let him carry your burden of messiness. I can't do it. 

7. I always remember something I learned from my journey. Sometimes you have to let a person go so they can grow. Sometimes helping becomes hindering. Sometimes forgiveness turns into slavery. You can forgive and love from a distance. Just because you don't talk to someone anymore does not mean that you don't love them or that you haven't forgiven them. Don't get it confused. 

I hope this helps.. 

Tony G. 

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  1. Good counsel, thank you!

  2. This has help me so much with a situation I'm going through now. It was so hard to let go but this has help me walk away with No regrets, Thank you so much.

  3. Great Advice Coach, Pray them over to Jesus, let them go so they can grow.Forgive and love from a distance.This has helped me so much.Especially from a male point of view. I am a changed women and stronger each day. Thank you.

  4. I'm in a situation where I've forgiven my ex and moved on, we're cordial however we attend the same university and have classes together. How can this soul tie and emotional attatchment be released when I'm constantly reminded about it and around him without a choice. If we weren't in the same vicinity things would be so much easier.

  5. I really needed to see this. This is my life right now. Thank you for helping me to see, it is never a bad idea, to put yourself first and walk away.

  6. Thank you.
    Your words are so encouraging and it's confirmation for my current situation. I'm just taking notes and spreading your wise words along to my friends and family.

  7. What if you have kids? How can I successfully cut him off and still be able to speak about the kids without it becoming about us? I have been in a very toxic relationship for 18 years and I finally had the courage to leave and he is having a hard time dealing with it and gets crazy and it scares me and the children. Please advise

  8. So say your in love with one person but live in a house with some one u have alot of history with how do u break the chain

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  10. Boy, I needed this. God has been so patient with telling me to cut it and He will provide and I hear it now. Thank you for this. Appreciate it Tony.

  11. You make me consider all relationship choices & decisions.

  12. Funny I just emailed this same thought and then I continued to scroll and what do I see....

    With that said, I agree with it completely...the statement, "sometimes you have to leave to allow a person to grow." Nail on the head. When we stopped growing together and one is continuing to grow and feels held down from their growth it's tome to move on, no matter how much you love each other...I get it now!

  13. Thank you for this advice as a woman we have to take this advice from a Christian man. Remember he use to b that guy but he changed so he can tell us what we are doing wrong

  14. I am currently going through the same thing, an ex I had that was my first love. He kept on jumping in and out of my life and I allowed it. While this was going on he was dating a very close friend of mine. We grew up together. When I finally thought he got his act together. My long lost friend (not so lost) calls me up all excited and tells me she got engaged. Guess who? He's been dating her as long as he'd been dating me. They have history as well, one I never knew about, he is her first and he is my first too, and she doesn't even have a clue( or maybe she does) up to the time they got married this December 2014. He would call and text and say I am still import to him and we can manage situations and still be friends. I can't be a fool for ever. So I did 1,2,3,and 4. Up to the point of cutting of all friends I share with his wife. That part was painful but I didn't want to connected in any way to the to of them

  15. I need counsel. I need help sorting my recent split with father of my son. How do I maintain this relationship. I'm lost.

  16. Very True Sir. Permit me to share on my Facebook wall. GOD keep blessing you good.

  17. Very True Sir. Permit me to share on my Facebook wall. GOD keep blessing you good.