Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Love yourself the way you are!

 I was just on my Twitter timeline and saw some fake booty cheeks. It hurt my heart. This world has made so many women feel unworthy. So many women feel less than or unacceptable. Women have a certain standard to live up to that men don't have. You don't see men going to get anything artificial on their body. 

There are many famous men who have chosen to keep their gap, chipped, or crooked teeth. Men aren't getting fake biceps or pectorals. Why don't men have to live up to this imaginary standard? Because we set the standards by what we reinforce. Whatever men praise is who women want to become. Grown boys tend to outwardly praise Grown girls, while grown men keep their feelings to themselves. As a result, the strong, confident women don't get enough praise so society begins to believe that men want the insecure, attention seeking women on the Internet. 

No one ever said go get butt implants. Every man I've ever asked has said he doesn't want his woman to get them. At my seminars I call all the men up and 90% of them say if they had a choice they wouldn't even want their woman to wear artificial eye-lashes or hair. We just accept it because it's the norm. We deal with it but we don't prefer it. 

It's a personal choice and you can do whatever you want with your body. But at least ask yourself, why? Who are you altering your body for? Who are you risking your life for? Are they worth it? 

I know plenty of women who have had everything about them changed and still are hated on by the same females as before. They are still being cheated on and taken advantage of by men. Nothing has changed except body parts and outer adornments. 

It's not your body that needs fixing. It's your mind. You have to change the way you see yourself. You have to embrace and enhance your natural beauty. You have to love the skin you're in and trust that at the right time, the right person will find you and love you for who you are. 

If you've already made changes for mankind, ok, it's fine. Most of us do at some point. But stop there. Don't keep changing yourself trying to win the affection of others. Don't keep risking your sanity trying to please onlookers. Nothing will change the way people see you until you change the way you see yourself. 

Love who you are. Embrace who you are. Stay unique by being you. When you change everything about you trying to win the affection of mankind you become a copy instead of an original. 

Tony A. Gaskins Jr. 

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Saturday, May 9, 2015

Lay Down Your Life For Your Wife

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; (‭Ephesians‬ ‭5‬:‭25‬ KJV)

I'm in bed on this Saturday morning. My wife is sleeping next to me. I'm lying here thinking about the sacrifices I make to put a smile on her face and wondering where the inspiration comes from.

It comes from the scripture I posted above. If you read Ephesians 5 you'll see that before that scripture there are scriptures telling the woman to submit herself to her husband. I saw those but I didn't pay as much attention to them as I did to the one for me. The one for me told me to love her as Christ loves the church. Being a Christian I look up to Jesus Christ and I live His lifestyle because I've found it to be a healthy and productive one. It has worked wonders in my life. So when I draw the parallel between Christ and the church to my wife and I, it's life changing. Christ died for the church. He carried out a mission and was selfless in the process. Nothing was in the sacrifice for Him. It was all for His followers.

I decided to love my wife that way. I have to love her selflessly even if there is nothing in it for me. All I can do is hope that she will reciprocate the love I give, but I can't focus on the reciprocation. I focus on the giving.

By me taking the lead and leading with love, it changed our marriage. The first two years were rocky. We contemplated divorce privately numerous times. It was rocky because we were doing it our way, not God's way. Our way is selfish. God's way is selfless. When we started considering one another and not just ourselves, things changed drastically.

My wife was once very stubborn and hard-headed. Now she's the opposite. She's the opposite of who she was because I'm the opposite of who I was. When I sacrificed my wants, needs, and desires and I made her my priority it transformed everything. I laid down my life for her. I sacrificed for her. I gave and didn't ask to receive. It changed her heart, her mind, her spirit, and her outlook on life. I know her inner circle who knew of how stressed she was with me in the first two years are scratching their heads now. I hope they don't miss the drama because there won't ever be anymore. Why? Because I'm loving like Christ. Once you experience this type of love you don't go back.

I learned that in order to receive you have to give. I received peace and happiness when I gave all of myself to my wife. I closed off the possibility of cheating, abusing (physically, verbally, emotionally), lying, deceiving, manipulating, and everything else that is unhealthy for a relationship. I created a safe haven for her. I washed her with love. I made her wish my command. I put her first. I loved her the way she needed to be loved instead of the way I wanted to love.

Today, I can honestly say; My marriage is perfect. It has been perfected through a Christ-like love. There is no arguing. There is no cheating. There is no break-up to make-up.

We catch little attitudes that last all of 5 minutes. We quickly snap back to the Christ-like mindset of "be slow to anger." We check ourselves and we check one another. We subscribe to a higher standard of living. One that is rooted in selflessness. It has changed everything.

Real Love is real! Peaceful love is real. Stress free love is real!

Tony A. Gaskins Jr.

Real Love Tour: www.tonygaskins.com/events

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

It's Hard To Walk Away

It's hard to walk away, but you must! You have to make sure that you're not holding on out of ego. You have to be sure that you're not trying to raise an adult or change a person who is unwilling to change. It's not about you, it's about them. It's not that you're not worthy of love. It's that they aren't ready to learn how to love. You have to recognize that and be willing to walk away.

Sometimes it's the walking away part that makes a person change. If you've left before and it didn't influence them to change then the next time you leave it needs to be for good.

We waste so much unnecessary time trying to make love work. You have to be willing to admit when you didn't know love and you built on lust instead. You have to be willing to cut your losses, learn your lesson(s), and move on stronger and wiser. You can't force love and you shouldn't have to.

Love is a gift not a curse. Don't live a cursed life by trying to hold onto a lie. Evaluate your situation. If you know you've done all you can to make it work and it hasn't, let it go. Love is waiting for you but you can't attract it if you're still tied to a lie.

I pray you find the strength to leave if you know you need to leave!

Tony A. Gaskins Jr.

Real Love Tour-> www.tonygaskins.com/events