The Season of Favor

It's 12:11 am.. I'm on the edge of my bed about to get in. My wife and I just got finished watching Netflix and chilling. I'm fresh off of a plane today. I'm working in another city two days a week as a consultant to a company. It's been a blessing and a lot of fun.

I'm sitting here and thinking about how everything is going right in my life. I have everything I need and pretty much everything I want. I have all the things money can't buy, like love, peace, and happiness. I also have been fortunate enough to buy a few things.

I ask God, why me? I'm wondering is it too good to be true and will it only get better?  I've had a lot of rough days. I've been broke. I've down been down and out but I've never stayed down. I just don't believe in being down. I get back up in less than 24 hours.

But here's why I wanted to write this blog. I feel blessed not only because God is a good God but because he rewards the righteous. I believe righteous living produces more blessings. The blessings aren't just financial. The blessings are sometimes intangible. This peace and happiness that passes all understanding. This joy and contentment. The doors that have been opened and the favor that has been shown! God is a good God!!' But I have to say, I keep the commandments. I live right. My heart and mind are pure. I'm 100% faithful to my wife. I don't cheat in any way. I live righteous inside and out. It's a sacrifice. It's not easy but the rewards have been so great that the temptation to sin can't compare.

I want to encourage you to get your heart right. Have a pure heart and mind and watch what you allow in your life. Keep the commandments and live righteous. Do it because you love God not because you want blessings. The blessings are a by-product of living right.

I want to share this joy and peace. I want you to know that it can be yours through Christ. You can live a blessed and favored life if you'll be willing to sacrifice and deny your flesh and live your life as a testament to Christ.

It's real!! I'm a living witness!!

Help Your Woman Out..

We are told as young men that it's a woman's job to cook and clean. We expect to make money and provide, fix the little jobs around the home and that's it. My wife has been cooking dinner and after she's done she's asked me to help her clean up. I'm normally sitting by her working, but I got up and helped out. Monday night I washed all the baby bottles and cleaned up the playroom. Last night after dinner I had to leave and go to the store to buy some more tupperware, then I came home and washed out the bottles, cleaned up the playroom, swept the kitchen floor, put up all the leftover food into the tupperware, cleaned the table, and took out the trash and recycling. I was tired after, but we got everything done by 10pm. If I hadn't helped her it would have taken her until 11pm. 

I was reminded this week there are no gender-roles in a relationship. A man can clean up and a woman can take out the trash. We have to do what we have to do and there are no lines. The only line is if you don't know how to do something, and if that's the case, let your partner teach you so you can pitch in if need be. 

I've also noticed that when I help clean up it's sexy to my wife. She gives me a different type of love and affection after I've pitched in around the house. Of course I love that benefit. So now, every night I'm not on the road speaking I'll be around here pitching in. It made me feel like more of a man, and I was treated like more of a man. 

We've been lied to all this time. 

Blessings,

Tony A. Gaskins Jr. 

Real Love University!

Real Love University starts next Tuesday night. 

When is the last time you took a course on love? 

When is the last time you had a relationship? 

We seek relationships but we don't first learn how to relate and love. That leads to a lot of heartache. I created this course for that very reason! In this course I'll be teaching love and relationships from A-Z. It started as just as experiment but after the feedback I received, I realized that I had to keep going. The course is 50% off right now and I hope you'll join me. To read about the lessons that will be taught please visit The Course Page. 

Talk soon!
Tony A. Gaskins Jr.

Standards vs Preferences...

Standards are your morals and values.

Preferences are the things you'd like your partner to have or be.

Standards matter the most, but it's our preferences that keep us single for too long. Does the person who is interested in you have the morals and values that you're looking for in a partner? If so, then everything else can be worked on.

You may never find someone who meets all your preferences in the height, weight, looks, and income departments. You really need to take off all numbers off of your list and focus on the things that really matter. When you remove the numbers from your list then you're able to see a person for who they really are and start there. As long as you can stand to look at them, they're ok. They don't have to be the best looking person in the world, but are they at least OK? My wife doesn't feel like the most beautiful woman on Earth and I'm sure not the best looking, but we could stand to look at one another. Our morals and values matched and we worked from there.

Don't let your petty preferences keep you single.

Blessings,
Tony Gaskins Jr.

Trinidad and Tobago!!

Trinidad & Tobago!! I'm headed your way! This event is being put on by Corp-So Event Solutions and sponsored by Makay's Rum Cream. 

I'll be having two sessions so hopefully you can make one of them. If you have nothing to do on Saturday then come to both. I may switch it up in one of them, you never know. I'll be teaching on self-love, healthy love, gender specific issues, healing from pain, breaking soul-ties, self-worth, self-respect, and so much more. We will also have a Q&A and book signing. 

This is my first time coming to T&T and I hope it's not the last. Come out so we can meet! 

For tickets visit www.corp-soeventsolutions.com 

See you Saturday! 

Get Over The Little Stuff

Relationships are as hard as you make them. We can find so many things to be petty about and those things can ruin a relationship. If you want to argue, you don't want your relationship to work. You have to communicate, not argue. You can't argue about everything that crosses your mind. Pick your battles wisely. Make sure you have actual evidence and facts, not just speculation and opinions. Make sure the things you want to argue about aren't rooted in your insecurities or pain from your past.

I have a rule that says "if it's not worth breaking up over, it's not worth arguing over." You can discuss it like adults. You can disagree, but that shouldn't turn into an argument. Seek solutions, not more problems. Don't let your insecurities and pettiness ruin your relationship. Be man or woman enough to address things appropriately and to ignore things that don't deserve your attention.

Blessings,
Tony Gaskins Jr.

Healthy Compromise

Love is a healthy compromise. Today I walked 8 miles with my wife. When we got home we were drenched in sweat. I hopped in the shower quick while she fed the baby and got him ready for his afternoon nap. When I got out of the shower I was so tired and I was behind on work. She said she was gonna ask me to get in the pool with her but I showered too fast. Knowing that she wanted to get in the pool I said lets do it. I didn't feel like it. I didn't feel like it at all, but I did it. Then after the pool I had to take a second shower within an hour, but this time I had company and that shower went on to some fun.. I'll leave that there so I don't have to change my PG rating on the blog.. 

But I learned a valuable lesson that I've known, but sometimes forget.. That lesson is that love is a healthy compromise. You have to give to get. Men and women are different and we need and want different things but we have to find a way to meet in the middle without compromising our self-worth and respect. It didn't hurt me to swim after walking 8 miles and showering. The end result of all that was what I wanted but I had to give to get. As a woman she wants romance. She wants love and affection. She wants quality time. As a man I don't need as much nor do I want as much but it doesn't hurt me to compromise for her. When it was all said and done, she got what she wanted and I got what I wanted and we both needed the same things. Love, time, and affection. 

Get out of your comfort zone for your partner. Do some things they want to do and have fun doing it. You'll get something out of the deal too.

Never compromise your self-worth or self-respect and don't keep compromising if it's not being reciprocated, ever! 

Blessings,

Tony A. Gaskins Jr. 

Like who likes you!

Who likes you? Why don't you like them back?

I've come to realize that a lot of singles have someone chasing after them. There is an old saying that says "like who likes you, not who you like." That's one of the hardest things to do but it may be necessary. Sure, they may not be the most attractive person you've ever seen, but are they that ugly? The good thing about liking someone who likes you is that you've already been validated and affirmed. That's much better than seeking validation from someone who isn't interested in you. 

The reason why we don't like who likes us is because it's too easy. We want the person who doesn't want us because if we can get them it makes us feel worthy. We end up seeking approval instead of real love. It's time to take a long look in the mirror and make sure you're not chasing someone who is running from you. It's time to make sure you're not running from someone who is willing to give you the world. 

Blessings,

Tony Gaskins Jr. 

Love yourself the way you are!

 I was just on my Twitter timeline and saw some fake booty cheeks. It hurt my heart. This world has made so many women feel unworthy. So many women feel less than or unacceptable. Women have a certain standard to live up to that men don't have. You don't see men going to get anything artificial on their body. 

There are many famous men who have chosen to keep their gap, chipped, or crooked teeth. Men aren't getting fake biceps or pectorals. Why don't men have to live up to this imaginary standard? Because we set the standards by what we reinforce. Whatever men praise is who women want to become. Grown boys tend to outwardly praise Grown girls, while grown men keep their feelings to themselves. As a result, the strong, confident women don't get enough praise so society begins to believe that men want the insecure, attention seeking women on the Internet. 

No one ever said go get butt implants. Every man I've ever asked has said he doesn't want his woman to get them. At my seminars I call all the men up and 90% of them say if they had a choice they wouldn't even want their woman to wear artificial eye-lashes or hair. We just accept it because it's the norm. We deal with it but we don't prefer it. 

It's a personal choice and you can do whatever you want with your body. But at least ask yourself, why? Who are you altering your body for? Who are you risking your life for? Are they worth it? 

I know plenty of women who have had everything about them changed and still are hated on by the same females as before. They are still being cheated on and taken advantage of by men. Nothing has changed except body parts and outer adornments. 

It's not your body that needs fixing. It's your mind. You have to change the way you see yourself. You have to embrace and enhance your natural beauty. You have to love the skin you're in and trust that at the right time, the right person will find you and love you for who you are. 

If you've already made changes for mankind, ok, it's fine. Most of us do at some point. But stop there. Don't keep changing yourself trying to win the affection of others. Don't keep risking your sanity trying to please onlookers. Nothing will change the way people see you until you change the way you see yourself. 

Love who you are. Embrace who you are. Stay unique by being you. When you change everything about you trying to win the affection of mankind you become a copy instead of an original. 

Tony A. Gaskins Jr. 

Join me on the Real Love Tour: http://www.tonygaskins.com/events 

Real Love University is enrolling now: http://www.tonygaskins.com/reallove 

Become a Certified Life Coach: http://tonygaskins.com/coachtraining/ 

Lay Down Your Life For Your Wife

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; (‭Ephesians‬ ‭5‬:‭25‬ KJV)

I'm in bed on this Saturday morning. My wife is sleeping next to me. I'm lying here thinking about the sacrifices I make to put a smile on her face and wondering where the inspiration comes from.

It comes from the scripture I posted above. If you read Ephesians 5 you'll see that before that scripture there are scriptures telling the woman to submit herself to her husband. I saw those but I didn't pay as much attention to them as I did to the one for me. The one for me told me to love her as Christ loves the church. Being a Christian I look up to Jesus Christ and I live His lifestyle because I've found it to be a healthy and productive one. It has worked wonders in my life. So when I draw the parallel between Christ and the church to my wife and I, it's life changing. Christ died for the church. He carried out a mission and was selfless in the process. Nothing was in the sacrifice for Him. It was all for His followers.

I decided to love my wife that way. I have to love her selflessly even if there is nothing in it for me. All I can do is hope that she will reciprocate the love I give, but I can't focus on the reciprocation. I focus on the giving.

By me taking the lead and leading with love, it changed our marriage. The first two years were rocky. We contemplated divorce privately numerous times. It was rocky because we were doing it our way, not God's way. Our way is selfish. God's way is selfless. When we started considering one another and not just ourselves, things changed drastically.

My wife was once very stubborn and hard-headed. Now she's the opposite. She's the opposite of who she was because I'm the opposite of who I was. When I sacrificed my wants, needs, and desires and I made her my priority it transformed everything. I laid down my life for her. I sacrificed for her. I gave and didn't ask to receive. It changed her heart, her mind, her spirit, and her outlook on life. I know her inner circle who knew of how stressed she was with me in the first two years are scratching their heads now. I hope they don't miss the drama because there won't ever be anymore. Why? Because I'm loving like Christ. Once you experience this type of love you don't go back.

I learned that in order to receive you have to give. I received peace and happiness when I gave all of myself to my wife. I closed off the possibility of cheating, abusing (physically, verbally, emotionally), lying, deceiving, manipulating, and everything else that is unhealthy for a relationship. I created a safe haven for her. I washed her with love. I made her wish my command. I put her first. I loved her the way she needed to be loved instead of the way I wanted to love.

Today, I can honestly say; My marriage is perfect. It has been perfected through a Christ-like love. There is no arguing. There is no cheating. There is no break-up to make-up.

We catch little attitudes that last all of 5 minutes. We quickly snap back to the Christ-like mindset of "be slow to anger." We check ourselves and we check one another. We subscribe to a higher standard of living. One that is rooted in selflessness. It has changed everything.

Real Love is real! Peaceful love is real. Stress free love is real!

Tony A. Gaskins Jr.
www.TonyGaskins.com

Real Love Tour: www.tonygaskins.com/events

It's Hard To Walk Away

It's hard to walk away, but you must! You have to make sure that you're not holding on out of ego. You have to be sure that you're not trying to raise an adult or change a person who is unwilling to change. It's not about you, it's about them. It's not that you're not worthy of love. It's that they aren't ready to learn how to love. You have to recognize that and be willing to walk away.

Sometimes it's the walking away part that makes a person change. If you've left before and it didn't influence them to change then the next time you leave it needs to be for good.

We waste so much unnecessary time trying to make love work. You have to be willing to admit when you didn't know love and you built on lust instead. You have to be willing to cut your losses, learn your lesson(s), and move on stronger and wiser. You can't force love and you shouldn't have to.

Love is a gift not a curse. Don't live a cursed life by trying to hold onto a lie. Evaluate your situation. If you know you've done all you can to make it work and it hasn't, let it go. Love is waiting for you but you can't attract it if you're still tied to a lie.

I pray you find the strength to leave if you know you need to leave!

Tony A. Gaskins Jr.
www.TonyGaskins.com

Real Love Tour-> www.tonygaskins.com/events

Removing Toxic People

You have to get to the point that you're able to recognize the people in your life who are draining you. You can't focus when you're drained. You can't achieve your goals or even complete your daily tasks if you're drained.

It may be friends or family. As long as the person isn't your dependent, you can cut them off. Some people believe that you can't cut off family. I disagree. Why should I let you stress me to my grave just because you're family? The fact that they are family should mean they are trying to make your life better. If someone is making your days worse, they aren't family. They are enemies disguised as family. A stranger shouldn't treat you better than your family does.

Don't get trapped thinking that you can't move on with your life just because you've known someone all your life.

I refuse to be held back in the name of family. I refuse to be stressed to death in the name of family. I refused to be verbal and emotionally abused in the name of family. If you are adding stress to my life, you aren't family. You're no better than an adversary.

Blessings,
(this blog was typed on my phone and delivered by email)

Tony A. Gaskins Jr.
www.TonyGaskins.com
www.Twitter.com/tonygaskins
www.Facebook.com/TonyGaskins
GREATNESS: www.tonygaskins.com/greatness

"A vision without action is a dream. Action without a vision is a nightmare!"

Why won't he marry you?

I received a question from a young lady who is waiting on her man to marry her. It's been a few years and she's wondering when will the proposal come.

That's a scary place to be in. You have to decide your own timeline because there are too many examples of good and bad turnouts to count statistics. I know people who have been together for over 30 years and never got married. I also know people who were together 5-10 years before they got married. I know people who were together 10 years and broke up without ever getting married.

Weigh the pro's and cons. The only benefit to long-term dating is that you get to know a person really well. The cons are endless. You can have a baby out of wedlock and have no real stability. You can have a baby and then get left and have no real stability. You can give years of your life and still not a get a ring. You can give years of your life and then get left for someone else. You can give years of your life and then get cheated on and have to watch someone else have a baby from your man before you get a ring. All of those things happen every day. You have to ask yourself is it worth it?

I'll speak for myself as a man. I married my wife after only 10 months of dating. I knew from the first 6-hour conversation we had that she was my wife. I married her at 23 years old. I wasn't ready for marriage but I knew she was the one and I didn't want to let her get away. We grew together in marriage and we built everything we have together.

It's my belief that every man who is with the woman who he truly sees as his wife will propose within 3 years. Most men who have that type of woman will propose within 12 months. I believe that if a man will date you for 3-5 years and he hasn't proposed, he passing time. You're his number one but he's open to your replacement stepping into his life. He's not ready for marriage and he's not willing to take a chance on you. He's passing time to see if he meets someone better and if he doesn't then he will give in and settle for you. It's that or he wants to make money first and become "stable." That's scary because he could leave any day and you have nothing to show for the relationship other than a broken heart.

I believe we should all have a timeline. For me, my timeline would be 12 months for a proposal. After 12 months of an exclusive and consistent relationship, if there isn't a proposal that's a red flag. Something in the relationship needs to be addressed. This doesn't apply to people under 25 years of age. If you're under 25 you really shouldn't be thinking about marriage. You really should be more focused on your dreams. My marriage is an exception to the rule. It's not the norm.

If over 25 years old, we should have an idea of what we want. If you've been in a relationship for two years and you're not engaged, y'all need to have serious conversation.

Here are the top excuses.
1. I want to be financially secure before I get married.
My response: A relationship is intended to build together. If you're both at the same financial level then you can build together from the ground up. Realistically you may never be financially stable. Also, if you become financially stable all on your own you may not feel the need to keep the same partner.

2. I want to be sure you're the right person.
My response: If you've been together for more than two years and you're still not sure, you're with the wrong person.

3. I want to make sure I've gotten "it" out of my system.
My response: Whatever "it" is will never be out of your system. You will have to learn how to control the urge to cheat, get drunk, club, do drugs, gamble or whatever "it" is. Nothing just leaves. There will always be temptation. You have to mature to the point that you can have self-control.

Those are the top 3 excuses I hear the most. I can tell you as a man, you will never feel 100% ready for marriage, because the thought of only sleeping with one woman for life scares 99.9% of men to death. If you're even 50% ready and you know you have a good woman you have to let God meet you half way and carry you. Women are wired differently. Many women feel ready for marriage as young as 18-25 but men may not feel ready until 30-40. We are made differently and we have to understand and respect that. We have to work together and find a healthy compromise.

It's time to have a talk if you've been in a relationship for 3 or more years and you're over the age of 25. It's time to get real and see what's holding up the marriage. Then make a decision. Are you willing to roll the dice and continue to wait? Or is it time to realize that you're with the wrong person? It will never be easy but life is too short to waste time.

Bless you,
Tony G.

*If you have a general question for the blog please submit it to advice@tonygaskins.com with "BLOG QUESTION" as the subject.

*The Real Love Tour is coming to a city near you!! Oakland (SOLD OUT), Cleveland, Dallas, Atlanta, Philly, Newark, Los Angeles, Jacksonville, Miami ... More cities will be announced soon!!

Will he wait?

A lot of women are deciding to abstain from sex until marriage for many reasons. The problem comes in when trying to date men who are accustomed to having sex while in a relationship.

I received a question from a young lady in her 30's who has decided to start dating again. She said she's trying to live by God's principles and save sex for marriage. She keeps meeting men who are Christians but don't want to live by God's principles about sex.

Since I've been a life coach and a speaker I've met two NFL virgins who were waiting until marriage for sex. One of them actually did it and I haven't checked back with the other one. I also met an NBA player who waited 3 years without sex until he married his wife. That was all I needed to hear to know that it's possible. If a man with that kind of money and opportunity can discipline himself enough to wait, then why can't a normal man do it?

I didn't have to wait until marriage and I can't say that I wouldn't have. If I met my wife and she decided to wait until marriage, I would have married her quicker. I believe a man will wait for anything or anyone he feels is worth it. We had sex because we were conditioned and programmed by pop-culture that it was the thing to do. That was 10 years ago. There is a shift happening now and because of the state of relationships people are becoming more thoughtful about their actions.

There were women who wanted me to wait longer than I wanted to and I left them alone. The reason is because they weren't what I was looking for in a wife anyways. That's the key. You have to be what he wants and needs. If he won't wait, you're not the one. You can't compromise your beliefs to be please a man. The man who is for you will respect you and will wait for you. I've polled hundreds of men asking them: "Will you wait until marriage for sex if the woman is the one you want to marry?" 90% of the men said yes. In fact, the only men who said no are the ones who were in front of their girlfriend who they were already sleeping with. He'd already talked her out of the sex so he wasn't about to let me reverse his hard work by giving her knowledge, self-worth, and self-respect that he'd already talked her out of.

I recommend doing it God's way. That's where the blessings are and less stress is there. Some women say they have sex because they want to. No, you're having sex because you've been conditioned and programmed to have sex to keep and to please a man. So you give a boyfriend the benefits of a husband and claim that it's all your idea.

If a man leaves you for having standards, let him leave. If a man can't see the bigger picture, he's still a grown boy and will probably cause you more pain and stress than peace and happiness.

Has marriage worked even when the couple had sex while dating? Yes! Does that mean it's right? No!

I believe we suffered in the first two years of our marriage because we had sex before marriage and weakened the foundation of our relationship. Build your relationship on friendship, not sex. If sex couldn't be part of your relationship, would it still work? If one of you had a stroke and couldn't have sex anymore, would there still be love? If one of you has a surgery or is hospitalized and you couldn't have sex, would there be infidelity? A lot of men even cheat on their woman while she's pregnant. That's because the relationship was built on lust and sex, not love and friendship.

So my message to you is; if your legs are closed, keep them closed. If your legs are open, close them.

To the men, zip up your pants. Do something out of the norm and build a relationship on friendship. Let the lust build and fulfill it when you give the woman a commitment until death do you part. Be the man and take the lead; and lead with love. Let it be your idea to wait until marriage for sex instead of being forced into it by her. You won't die without having sex. What you will gain is self-control, self-respect, focus, will-power, determination, strength, and so much more. I didn't gain those things while dating but I wish I did. I gained them in marriage by being faithful to my wife. So not only wait until marriage, be faithful to her while waiting. Challenge yourself and grow through it!

Blessings,
Tony G.

The Real Love Tour : Oakland, Cleveland, Dallas, Atlanta, Philly, Newark, Los Angeles

No, I can not..

Everyday someone asks me can I post this or post that for them for them to make money or gain notariety. No, I can not.

Everyday someone asks can I donate to their dream, hobby, passion, fantasy. No, I can not.

Actually, I've given thousands of dollars to people's dreams, hobbies, and passions. It hasn't returned to me void because God is constantly blessing me, but I realized something in the process.

I give from my heart and expect nothing in return only when God puts it on my heart to do so. I know where my blessings come from.

The internet and cable television has made us lazy. I just saw a post that said "people will watch EMPIRE for an hour every week but won't spend 20 minutes learning how to build one." That's the truth for 99.9% of the people watching empire.

I was online yesterday and saw a GoFundMe page for a vacation trip to Miami.

We have become lazy. The bug is contagious and you have to make sure you don't catch it. Laziness is a curse. Laziness will come back to haunt you. You have to be very careful what you ask for and very careful what you accept. The borrower becomes servant to the lender ~Prov 22.7. Get up and work. If you want it, work for it. If you can't afford it, work for it. If you have to work for years, keep working! If you ask for something, be willing to give something in return. Nothing is free in life so don't expect anything for free.

You can't expect someone to take their hard earned money and give it to you for your passion. You're asking them to fund your passion from their sweat equity. It doesn't work like that. What are you giving back? The internet has made it too easy for us to beg. If you're going to ask for something, give something in return.

I was reading in the bible in Genesis chapter 14 and around the 20th verse a King was trying to give a gift to Abram. Then Abram told him that he swore to God that he wouldn't accept anything from the King, not even a thread or a shoelace so that the King wouldn't be able to say "I made Abram rich." Genesis 14:23.

I took a lesson from that. Accept nothing from man without a fair exchange. If you accept handouts and free gifts without giving something in return, people will take claim to your success.

Owe no man anything but love. Romans 13:8.

I asked a lady in the TV industry could I have some of her time to ask some questions. She has worked at high levels in television for many years. We spoke and she spoke into my life. After the call I asked her for her paypal email. She gave it to me and I sent her $100. I don't know if we spoke for 30 minutes or an hour but I sent her $100 as an offering for her time. Time is more valuable than money but the least I can do is help someone pay a bill or feed their family in exchange for their time. She will not be able to say that she made me, nor will I owe her anything but love.

I have graphic designers who do things for me like change a word on my website. If I need one word changed, I send my designer $10. It will only take him 5 minutes to do it and most people in America don't even make $10 an hour but I give him $10. I do it to say thank you for taking out time away from your wife and kids to assist me. He will never be able to say I owe him or that he made me who I am because everything he did, he was paid for it.

I do not accept free, respect free, or appreciate free. Man is not God. Man gives gifts with a snare. There is nothing free because we are not wired for free. Even when we are giving something for free we are expecting it to be returned by the "universe" or God. We do not sow and expect not to reap. We sow and we expect to reap. So I know that if someone gives me something, they will be expecting something in return at some point. They will remind me of what they did for me. They will remind me of where I come from and if they were there with me, they want me to remember that. If they did anything for me while I was there and it helped me get here, I bless them for it. I don't want to work for free nor do I want anyone to work for me for free.

Shift your mindset from scarcity to abundance. You have all you need. If it's not with you right now, it's on the way. You don't need anything free from man. If man helps you, get in a position to give back. There is a story in the bible in 1 King 10 of where Queen Sheba visits King Solomon. She is coming to him for wisdom. She's coming to test him to see if what she's heard about him is true. She asks him questions and he gives her answers. The answers were easy to him because God granted him so much wisdom. He was doing basically what a real life coach does. After receiving the wisdom from Solomon she gave him millions of dollars worth of gold and other gifts. He also gave to her, anything that she asked. In that story is another example of how we should never take someone's time or kindness for granted. Stop thinking someone owes you something. Stop expecting or wanting something free. Give an offering. You may only have $10 to give but give that $10 just to show that you are grateful for the time this person has given you. I live by that. Even when I was broke, I gave something in return for time.

I have people who call me or write me all the time for my time. I have a wife and two sons who need all of my extra time, but people call me for advice all the time. People have taken hours and hours of my time and expected me to be able to live off of the the oxygen I was breathing during those hours. So many of them never considered the money I missed while giving them advice that they won't use. They didn't consider the time I was taking away from my wife and kids to give them my time. They didn't consider that I would never get that time back. The least they could have done is blessed me for my time so that I could bless my wife and sons. Especially because we are not friends. I'm not speaking of friends because that exchange between friends is mutually beneficial because friendship is a blessing. I'm speaking of people who call me as a professional but expect me to operate in my profession for free. Those are people I lose respect for. Those are people who I refuse to be like.

We take people's time and their hard earned money for granted. If you want to be blessed and be blessed more abundantly you have to respect time and money.

Nothing is free. Be careful what you ask for.

Blessings,
Tony G.

Is it cheating if you're not engaged or married?

I received a question from a guy asking: Is it considered cheating if I'm not engaged or married? He said he hasn't cheated but he often wonders if it could even be considered cheating because there isn't a ring involved. He feels that he's giving a girlfriend, wife benefits. I always tell women not to give a boyfriend the benefits of a husband so I guess he's looking at it from that perspective. Faithfulness isn't only a benefit to your partner, it's a benefit to yourself.

I know a lot of men suffer from this struggle. I've never had the mind or body of a woman so I'm not sure how hard it is for women to remain faithful. For a man I know it once was very hard. Then I realized that once I made my woman my everything, being faithful became easy. I am not tempted at all to cheat now. I am tempted to lust after a nice butt, but not to cheat. I have to check myself if I accidentally scan across a nice set of thighs and a butt because the bible says that if a man lusts in his heart then he has already committed adultery. I tell myself every second of the day while I'm out in public "keep your eyes up." I'm not sure women will ever understand how hard it is for men to gain control of that reproductive instinct that God put in us to replenish the earth. It's a spiritual thing for me. I realize that if the creator created me like this, then only the creator can grant me the strength to contain the desire. I pray for strength daily and I lust after my wife daily. I make my wife my everything. This practice doesn't start in marriage, it starts in dating.

I had the idea that once I got married that I would be 100% faithful. I realized after marriage that the vows and the paper you sign doesn't change those desires. You have to change those desires yourself. Being faithful is a practice and you have to practice it daily. It takes time, work, and a real commitment. It takes a relationship with God in my opinion.

Being faithful to your woman isn't only benefit to her, it's a benefit to you. The sooner you get that discipline the better your life will be. I never learned how to be faithful until I met my wife. Once I bought into the idea 100% my whole life changed. Every part of my life became better. I gained more peace, happiness, clarity and even success. By not cheating it allowed me to focus 100% on my family and my purpose. The focus I gave to my purpose helped me start 4 companies, over 30 streams of income, and my income increased by more than 2,500% in a time span of 5 years.

So what I want my fellas to understand is that being faithful isn't a curse, it's a blessing. It's a discipline. If you can discipline yourself in that area of your life, there won't be anything you can't accomplish. That desire to replenish the earth and to provide a living are the two strongest desires men have. If you can channel those desires, everything changes for the better!

Also please know that if you can't be faithful in dating, you won't be faithful in marriage. The young man who wrote in said he sees his girlfriend as one day being his wife. If you see her as your future wife then you have to make sure you are committed to her now and you're faithful. If you start allowing yourself to cheat now, you may never be able to gain control of it again.

This is a struggle that every man has and women may never understand how or why it's so hard, but I'm hear to tell you that being 100% faithful is possible. I'm not speaking about being faithful for a year or two. I'm talking about longterm faithfulness. I'm in my sexual prime and I'm 100% faithful. I know I'm not the only one and I know that anyone can do it if you really want to. If you give into lust and you allow yourself to lust after other women, that lust will grow and one day it will consume you.

Give the gift of faithfulness to yourself because to cheat on her isn't just against her, it's against yourself.

Don't hurt yourself, help yourself!

Blessings,
Tony G.
*you fellas know y'all are invited to the REAL LOVE TOUR too right? lol
*Upcoming stops on the Real Love Tour -> Oakland(sold out), Cleveland, Dallas, Atlanta, Philly, Newark NJ, Los Angeles ..
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Why do many women give men so many chances?

Is it the thirst? Is it desperation? Is there a scarcity of men? Is it in your nature? Are you afraid to start over? Are you afraid another woman will benefit from your hard work and sacrifice? Do you believe he will change?

When I first met my wife I sold her a dream. After about two months she realized that I'd sold her a dream and she left me. She moved on with her life and she never looked back. I was the one who asked to see her again six months later. By then she had healed and forgiven me. She gave me another chance and I showed her perfection up until marriage which was only 10 months later. Two months into our marriage I decided to dabble in the street-life again and she left me. I begged and pleaded for days until she gave me another chance. When she came back she let me know what she needed from me and what she expected from me and that was that. I changed and I began to grow. I had no interest in messing up again. I saw that she was strong enough to walk away even after marriage and that was all I needed to know about her strength. I didn't want to keep testing her because I knew the next time could be the last time. I didn't want to lose a rare and special woman and have to go back to average women. I wanted a woman with her type of strength and self-respect. I knew that type of woman would make a great mother and be able to stand on her own two feet and take care of our kids even when I couldn't be there. I grew because I had to. I made other mistakes but I wasn't crazy enough to keep making them and to allow them to get so messy that it would come out. I fought for change. I fought against my fleshly desires, my insecurities, and my immaturity and I won. I now know that men are capable of change. I never thought I could be faithful to one woman because I'd never done it before. I live that life now and it's easier with every passing day. Each day I fall more in love with my wife. Each day I lose more of my ego in love and I'm able to be selfless.

I believe in change. But I also know that it doesn't take a million chances to make that change. As adults we have enough common sense to know when to change for the better. If we don't change it's because we don't want to change. Three chances is the most I could see myself needing because I know right from wrong and if I do wrong then it's on purpose. Those three chances would be different types of mistakes, not the same mistake. I'm saying three just to admit that no one is perfect and we all make "mistakes on purpose" at times.

I received like 200 or more emails from women last week. I read through the first 10 and almost broke my phone. I read a different version of the same story over and over again. The common theme of each email was "chances." Why? Why give 5 chances? Why give 10 chances? Why give 5, 10, or 15 years of chances? Why live miserable? Why live in fear? Why live in pain? Why live in self-hate? Why sleep with an enemy?

I know we all have a story. I know we all have pain. I know we all have insecurities. But there comes a day that you have to look yourself in the mirror and say:

I love myself! I am worthy. I am enough. I deserve to receive the same amount of love that I give. I know my worth and I refuse to settle for less. I will be alone until I meet someone who can respect and appreciate me the same way I respect and appreciate myself. I won't settle for anything less than what I deserve. 

Print this blog out. Cut out that little piece above or just write it out on a 3x5 card. Put that card on your bathroom mirror. Write another one out and put it in your purse. Read it in the morning while you're in the mirror. Read it on your lunch break during the day. Read it at night before you go to bed. Tell yourself that over and over until you start to believe it. I promise you those words will work. You have to change the way you see yourself. You have to stop settling. You have to love yourself. Settling for less than you deserve won't make a person give you what you deserve.

Bless you!!
Tony G.

*Real Love Tour: CHICAGO, OAKLAND, CLEVELAND, ATLANTA, TORONTO, PHILLY, NEWARK-NJ, LOS ANGELES ...

You want her, but she wants her ex..

I know this happens the other way around but this time the question came from a man so I'm going to speak to the man. I believe this information can work the other way around as well.

You have to understand "soul-ties." It has been described many ways but to put it simply, a soul-tie is an emotional and spiritual connection between two people that is very hard to break. A soul-tie is like an addiction to a person and certain feelings. The way I'd describe it is; the body becomes addicted to the releases from the brain during the relationship. A person can become addicted to the drama, the sex, and many other things that trigger a release of certain chemicals from the brain. A lot of times it's not love it's an addiction. We get accustomed to the "feelings."

How do you detect a "soul-tie?" 
You have to check the "relationship resume." That is another one of my terms. It's no different than a job resume, but it's her relationship history. You need to find out how many relationships she has been in. You need to find out when was her last relationship. You need to find out how serious it was and how long did it last. You need to ask questions about the type of guy he was. You have to have a genuine interest in what's on her heart. If she's fresh out of a relationship where sex was involved, she  definitely has a soul tie to that man. If she was in a very long relationship and leaving wasn't her choice, she has a soul tie. Even if she chose to leave, she may still have a soul tie. Listen to her heart. You'll be able to tell if she's still hurting. She may get angry, depressed, quiet, or even start crying. Her countenance will change if she still has a strong tie to her ex.

What to do if she has a soul-tie with her ex? 
Just be her friend. Speak life into her. Show her what a real man looks like. Be there for her and don't put your whole heart into her yet. Put her in the friend zone and support her growth. Recommend a life coach that you've screened and you feel may be a good fit. Aid her in her healing while getting to know her. In this time you may find out that she's not the one for you. On the other hand you may find out that she is the one for you. If that's the case then now you've built on friendship which is a good start. You have to make the decision early if she's going to be a friend or if she's going to be your future wife. Oftentimes you have to help heal a woman's heart before you can have her heart. If you don't make a decision then you will get strung along and it could cause resentment if you don't really know the role you want to play in her life.

What to do if you're in a relationship and you recognize she still has a soul-tie with her ex? 
You have to let her go. It's not fair to you nor is it smart of you to be with her if she is still communicating with her ex in emotional or physical exchanges. She may not want you to leave because she may like having both. But if she still loves her ex and he makes the right moves she will leave you in a heartbeat. If you wait until that point you will be left feeling suicidal or homicidal. Recognize the signs and be man enough to step back. You shouldn't knowingly compete with another man. That can be very dangerous. Actually, I just heard tell of a boyfriend who had to kill his girlfriends ex-boyfriend because the ex showed up and a fight started. They both had guns and took shots but the ex was killed. Men are territorial. If you know that a woman is still tied to her ex in an emotional way then it's best that you step out of the way so things don't escalate and throw your life and focus off course.

I believe this same info can be used for a woman who is dealing with a man who is still dealing with his ex emotionally or physically. Your partner may have kids with their ex but that doesn't mean they have to be emotionally involved with their ex. Your partner should only be emotionally involved with the kids. It should be almost like a business transaction between your partner and their ex. It shouldn't be too personal and intrusive into your relationship. If your partner can't get their ex to respect your relationship then you need to pull back so they can have each other without dragging you in the middle of their on-going love and war.

Bless you,
Tony G.

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If you're gonna stay in the relationship, then shut up about it..

Do you have those friends who come to you with their problems all the time and you pour your heart out only to find that they are right back in the same toxic relationship? You answer the phone in the middle of the night. You talk for hours. You talk day-in and day-out and then they take all of your advice, wipe their butt with it and go right back to their terrible relationship. Sometimes when they go back the toxic lover makes them cut you off for a while.

What should you do about? You have to live what you preach. You keep telling them not to go back to someone who keeps doing the same thing over and over again; but you keep going back to them and letting them drain you over and over again.

Them talking about it with you is giving them the illusion that they are doing something about it. They begin to feel that talking about it is "action." They talk about it and think that because you listened, they fixed the problem. Then they go back and find out that nothing has changed.

Here's what I'd do for my friend. I'll pour my heart out about three times. After I've poured my heart out three times, I can't keep doing it if no changes are being made.

I will tell my "friend:" Look, I love you and all but I don't have the time or the breath to keep wasting on your toxic relationship that you refuse to leave. We can be friends but you will need to hire a relationship coach so that as you're wasting your time you will feel it because you'll be wasting your money. I'm guessing that if the toxic relationship is causing you to go broke and lose friends then maybe you'll realize how toxic this relationship is and find the strength to leave. 

Then you have to stick to it. When your friend wants to bring up the toxic relationship you have to stop them right there and let them know that you love them but you don't want to hear about it. If they see that you as a close friend think it's so ridiculous that you don't even want to hear about it then it may help them leave. But if you reinforce your friend by always being there then you're not being a real friend. Sometimes "helping" becomes "hindering."

You have to demonstrate to your friend what a toxic relationship does to us when we stay in it. We lose everything. We lose our mind. We lose our money. We lose our friends. If you help create that loss by removing yourself from the situation and let them know you're doing it out of love, it may get through to them.

What if you're the friend in the toxic relationship? You need to know that your close friends and family only want the best for you. No one is jealous of you. No one is jealous of you being cheated on, beat on, lied to, used, manipulated or whatever else is going on. Everyone around you wants to see you do better. They know you can do better. They just are hoping that you can see yourself the way they do.

Take a chance and listen to your close friends and family. Love shouldn't hurt you. Love shouldn't drain you. Love shouldn't isolate you from those you love. You have to open your eyes to the signs and be willing to make changes. If you don't you will end up on an island where no one can hear your screams when you need them the most.

Stop talking your friends to death about that dead end relationship and make the changes you know you need to make!

Bless you!
Tony G.

*Get my wife's ebook Wife Type here: http://amzn.to/1BBFiJi
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Fairytale Love Is Real..

I define my fairytale. It doesn't mean that we are happy every second of the day. It doesn't mean that we don't have disagreements. It doesn't mean that it's easy. It doesn't mean that we've never made mistakes.

But it does mean that we are giving our best. It does mean that we are selfless. It does mean that we are happy. It does mean that we don't argue. It does mean that we don't cheat. It does mean that we are teammates and not opponents.

I call it a fairytale because to be in a completely blissful relationship for over the last 5 years is almost unheard of today. I call it a perfect relationship because of what I'm comparing it to. As a professional relationship coach I've come to realize that yelling, fussing, and fighting is normal in most relationships today. If it's not that, then it's cheating. If it's not that, then it's ulterior motives like money, position, etc. A lot of relationships today are shams. Too many people are faking it. We stopped faking about 6 years ago and we started growing.

Here's what it takes to have that fairytale relationship..
1. Both partners have to be willing to do it God's way. That means the husband loves the wife the way Christ loved the church. The wife submits to that type of husband. No lying. No cheating.

2. Both partners have to be selfless. Get over yourself. Get over your hangups. Get out of your comfort zone and into an effective zone. Listen to your partner and hear their needs.

3. Both partners have to be willing to communicate. State what you need and what you want. Express your true feelings in a respectful and timely manner.

4. Both partners have to love the other the way they need to be loved. You can't be selfish. If your partner would rather a movie over a roller coaster, you have to be willing to compromise and they have to be willing to compromise for you.

5. Both partners have to cut out the drama. My rule is: if it's not worth breaking up over, it's not worth arguing over. That doesn't mean we don't discuss it maturely, but it does mean that it can't turn into an argument.

Those 5 things are the biggest things. Whatever you can think of could probably be placed in a sub-category of one of those items above.

My wife and I stopped pointing the blame. We stopped arguing over small stuff. I ignored her small habits that really don't mean anything and she did the same. We both started giving our all. I started loving her the way she needed to be loved and she reciprocated. We started living by the biblical principles. Keeping those commandments of the bible cut out all the drama that you can think of. It's a disciplined lifestyle. To live like that brings order to your life. Order comes before increase.

I'll be honest with you as a man. I used to be very tempted every day to touch another woman. It's in my DNA and it's how I'm wired as a man. But by me living a disciplined life and always focusing on my wife's needs it stole my focus. I don't have the free time to lust after another woman. I don't have any desire to honestly. I can recognize beauty just like any other man can, but I don't have a desire to indulge in that beauty anymore. Why? Because I made my wife my everything. I indulged in my wife. I lust after my wife. I serve my wife. I live everyday to say or do something that makes her feel loved and cared for. By doing that I became overwhelmed with her. I became obsessed with her. She became my whole world and all of a sudden no other woman in the world mattered as much anymore. I can't fully put it into words but I believe it's a part of the mystery that God created. I believe He designed it to be that way. That way we can control that innate lustful desires we have. Now I lust for my wife. I had to make a choice. She had to make a choice. We became teammates instead of being opponents. We stopped struggling for power in the relationship and we both relinquished our power and started trusting one another with our lives.

I can honestly say today that it feels like a fairytale. This isn't a honeymoon phase. I've been with my wife for 10 years and married for 8. If you haven't met anyone who is willing to buy into this idea with you then you probably can't fathom what I'm saying. But I promise you, it does exist. I'm so happy in love. I'm so content. I feel so strong. I feel like I can indulge in this love for the rest of my life. This love that God created is greater than my words can explain. I wish I could explain it better, but all I can really say is that it's real!!

Love yourself. Set standards. Don't accept anything less than you deserve. Be patient until you meet someone who is willing to buy into the idea of real love with you.

God Bless you!
Tony G.

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Desperate for love...

When it comes to love, desperation is a weak emotion and it produces weak results. You have to know your worth and you have to be willing to wait as long as it takes to meet someone who will appreciate you. If you get desperate you will settle for anyone willing to show you a little attention. You will compromise your morals and values. You will compromise your self-respect and put up with stuff you always said you wouldn't. You'll give a boyfriend the benefits of a husband. Heck, you'll give a man who won't even give you a real commitment the benefits of a husband. You'll ignore everything you said you stood for and you'll settle. 

I'm speaking to the women on this one because in all of my life I've only seen one or two men do this.

The question I've receive the most are from women who are doing everything in their power to please and keep a man but that man won't give them a title or a real commitment. He wants to live together. He wants to split the bills. He wants to have all kinds of sex. He wants meals cooked, laundry done, and the house clean. BUT, he doesn't want to give you a title. He doesn't want to say you're his girlfriend. He doesn't want to get engaged. He doesn't want to get married. He might not even want to make the relationship public on Facebook and IG. 

I'm gonna put this simple. YOU'RE GETTING PLAYED!!!!

You're getting played like a deck of cards. You're getting played like parker brothers board games. You're getting played like the lotto. You've ignored every ounce of intuition God gave you. You know that man doesn't really love you or want you but you want love so bad that you're willing to do anything. You fell for the "let's take our time and not rush things" for so long that now you're afraid to walk away because of all the time you've invested. If it's been longer than a year and you've been sexing, fussing, and fighting you should have a real commitment by now. For starters you shouldn't be having sex. You shouldn't be living together. That's the mistake I made too and it almost ruined us for good. It's very hard to start over once you've built a mansion on the sand. You need a firm foundation. Living together and having sex before marriage isn't a firm foundation. You've put the cart before the horse. 

Separate the benefits package. This is how a relationship would go in an ideal world. 

1. The man approaches you and starts the courting process

2. You date without having sex

3. He asks you to be his woman exclusively and you all start a real relationship

4. The relationship becomes public

5. He is getting his life together and you're getting yours together. In example, he has his own place, job, and a car. You have your own place, job, and a car. 

6. He proposes. You accept. You set a wedding date no further than a year out. 

7. If you can't afford a wedding you go to the court house. That's what we did. 

8. You get married. Break your leases or sublease. Move in together. 

9. You build for a year or more and enjoy life as a married couple. 

10. You start a family if you don't already have kids but want some. 

That's how it would be done in a perfect world. That's how it was done in the Bible days. Today, we are doing our own thing. We don't have structure. We don't have rules. We don't follow God's blueprint. That's why our relationships are a mess. That's why we struggle so bad. That's why we fail so often. We are trying to create love but not following the instructions of the creator of love. 

Guess what? You can do it the right way and you can meet someone who will do it the right way with you. 

Will it be hard? Absolutely. Unless you're walking and talking with God and living by His word. If that's the case he will meet your needs when you NEED them. You have to be truly living right to activate that favor and those blessings. If you're faking it trying to make it, you won't make it. A man can tell if you're really about that righteous life or if you're a wolf in sheep's clothing. 

Here's what I would advise if your'e single and ready: 

1. Focus on yourself. Work as hard as you can and accumulate the things you should have and wait until you attract a man who is bringing the same to the table. He should be on your level. You shouldn't have to carry him, sponsor him, or raise him. 

2. Keep your legs closed and open your eyes. Date but don't "give it up." Let him court you while you pay attention to the signs. There are plenty of men willing to do it the right way for a woman who is right for him and ready for love. Keywords: right for him! 

3. BE PATIENT!! Occupy your time until it's your time. It may be 10 years, 20 years, or 30 years. The longer it takes, the greater you're supposed to be. The longer it takes means that there is more work you have to do. You're called to something higher than you're currently reaching and you have to reach higher. Everyone's life is different. You can't look at the next woman and expect to be married at the same time as her. You have a different call on your life and a different timeline. Occupy until it's your time. 

Here's what I would advise if you're in a relationship that's being built on sand:

1. Have a serious talk and state what you need to happen for the relationship to continue. 

2. Implement the changes you want to be made. Do relationship coaching. Watch and work for the next three months to see if any changes are made. This only applies if you're in a relationship where there is no present danger. 

3. Give a monthly reminder of the relationship goals at least once a month over those next three months. Keep working towards the goals and leading by example. If your partner is unwilling to grow, get coaching, or change; leave him and don't look back. He is a grown boy and he doesn't really love you or want you. He is confused about what being a man really is and he's caught up in ego. He wants to rebel because he thinks it's weakness to be taught or led. Let him go so he can grow. You need to heal, go, and grow. 

Don't settle for less than you're worth. Don't play house if you don't have a ring with a real commitment. You don't get what you're worth, you get what you require. No one can treat you less than you allow them to. Whatever you have is because you've allowed it and accepted it. If you don't  want it, change it. If you can't change it, leave it. Life is too short to waste your time with someone who is wasting their time. 

God bless, 

Tony G. 

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Usher doesn't mind, but I do.

This song "I don't mind"  is not brand new but it's still getting a lot of play. A young lady sent me a video through email last night showing little girls dancing like strippers to the song in a school talent show. Really Usher? Really? Now you have the babies in school being trained to become strippers. The dance teacher who helped choreograph the dance needs to spend a day getting some talking to. I know I overreact but I'd fine her a month salary and put her in jail for the night. Those are young girls minds being destroyed!! It's bad enough that parents let kids listen to music like that, but as a teacher you have to do the opposite.

Let me be clear. I don't look down on strippers. I am not judging strippers. I feel sorry for strippers more than anything because I've been behind the scenes in their lives and heard their pain. I have been the life coach to some strippers who were contemplating leaving that pole alone. I love them just like I love all of God's children. So when I speak to the situation, I'm speaking from a place of love. I may not always word it the best, but it's from my heart.

Usher: Bruh STOP!!! Bruh CHILL!! Come on man. I don't think you have a daughter and that may be why you were able to make this song, but you can't be serious. I know you mentor Justin Beiber and all, but you and Justin are not the same age. You have been making music for 13 decades. We will still support you if you sing about treating your woman right. You are USHER. You are not a new artist that needs to make a provocative song to get radio play. You can make a song humming and these radio stations are gonna play it. I just don't understand it I guess. If I'm in an industry that won't allow me to GROW UP, mature, and act like I have some sense then I don't want to be in it. That's when I take the money I've earned and I retire. You have to be accountable. You have to realize that the platform isn't just to entertain, but to empower. I'm not gonna lie, when I heard the song about you condoning them strippers on that pole I really wanted to slap you. I really did. I asked the Lord to forgive me though, but I really wanted to swing on you bruh. It was out of brotherly love though. Bruh, you really gotta chill.

To the dancer: Look, I heard what Usher told you. HE LIED TO YOU!! He does mind, that's why he isn't walking you down those red carpets he's on. That's why he said he will pick you up at 3AM and then take you home and make you work some more. You're tired at 3AM. You are ready to go home and lay DOWN. But he's talking about going home and working some more just because he gave you a ride home in his ferrari.

Listen to me. You've stripped long enough. You've built a following online. People want to see you come off that pole. We are all rooting for you. We understand the pain that sent you to the pole. We understand that it seemed like the easiest and fastest route to real money, but you can get money many other ways. Make you a t-shirt and bathing suit line like the reality TV women do and sell that. You might not want to hear this but them call-centers are always hiring. I might even have a paid internship for you. No I don't, I'm lying, but still. You have to let that pole go. I'm not judging you, I'm just telling you. There are other ways.

Again, I'm not judging you. I sold drugs from 18-23. When I decided I had to change I got married and I started working a job that paid me $10/hr MAX! I didn't get that $10/hr until I'd been there for four years and I was quitting by that time because I'd found my purpose. Today I've started 4 companies, have over 30 streams of legal income, and I'm living my God-given purpose. If I can do it, I know you can too.

To the women confused at why men praise strippers: Listen to me. Those are not men. Those are grown-boys. Real men don't prey on women, we pray for them. Real men will seek to understand the pain of that woman and help heal her heart, not perpetuate the cycle. Real men don't long for love from a stripper who is struggling to love herself. Honestly, the thought of strip clubs makes my stomach hurt because I was once the man stripping the self-worth from women and I understand the behind the scenes pain.

It hurts me to see women being reinforced for being looked down on by men and treated like a piece of meat on an auction block. Real men feel for her and we want to see her want better for herself.

The men who praise and marry strippers, porn stars, escorts, and half-naked instagram models do not want a WIFE, they want a slave. They want a human teddy-bear who they can cuddle with when they are hurting, and then throw her up against a wall when they are mad. A human teddy bear has a heart but the man doesn't care. He will invite other human teddy-bears into their bed and ask the main teddy-bear to share him with the new one. These men are so hurt, lost, and confused themselves that he wants a stripper/escort/half-naked model because he believes she is more lost than him. They know that a woman is on a pole because her self-worth and her self-esteem was stripped from her at a young age. They prey on that weakness because they are weak. When you see a man get with a stripper, don't feel like you've lost a good man. You just lost a grown-boy.

Pray for that woman because that man is going to drive her insane and ruin her life. He is going to make her life a living hell on Earth and she will wish that she was single. She will want to leave but she won't know how to leave, just as she's been wanting to leave the pole but didn't know how to leave. We can't hate her. You can't envy her. You have to pray for her. Speak into her life and hope that one day it sinks in.

Pray for them grown-boys too, but sadly them grown-boys know what they are doing most of the time. They know they are weak hearted but they don't want to be strong. They know they are immature but they don't want to mature. To mature takes too much discipline. To be faithful to one woman is lame to them. It means you're a square if you're faithful. They can barely please one woman, but they want two. The first woman hasn't been please a single day since she's been with him but he has the nerves to want to bring another one home. Today, understand his pain. Understand his confusion. Understand his misery. Pray for him. Don't hate him. Speak life into him. Send this blog to everyone of them you see online. He knows he needs to change, and hopefully soon he will be ready.

To the general public: We have to stop supporting this trash music. Send a tweet to the artist and tell him/her that song is trash. Let him know you don't like it or appreciate it. He cares. She cares. They care. They all care. They are human beings. I heard Trey Songz make a positive song once and I heard it on the radio. I bet he made it because he read too many tweets telling him to sing about something other than taking somebody's girl and his love making skills.

Pay attention to the music your kids and your students are listening to. Music has POWER!! Jeezy and Plies music almost killed me! I let it raise me. Their songs were my blueprint for the streets. That's all everybody in the streets of Florida listened to. We all had guns. We all were plotting. We all were trying to come up like they did and we were too ignorant to know that what we were doing isn't what they did to get where they were at that time. Music has power. There will be those wanna be intellectuals who claim music doesn't affect them and that it's just music. Tell that to an artist. It's more than just music. It's an art form. It's a platform. It's a way to express yourself. They aren't doing it for fun. It's their livelihood. They are slaves to a beat and a melody. It's more than just music. It's life. It shapes culture. It gives direction to the world. We are a reflection of our most popular music. These men of today have tattoos only because their favorite artists are their role models. The ones who don't have tattoos it's because they chose a different role model. I was soft hearted but I got all my tattoos because of Tyrese in that "Sweet Lady" video I think it was in 2002 or something. I was copying him because he had women and I wanted women like him. I'm man enough to admit it. These other men are doing the same thing but they won't tell you that's it's because they saw another man with it. They want to believe they woke up and just wanted to do it for themselves. Bruh, STOP!!

We have to do better as a society. We have to stop reinforcing and praising filth. We have to be more active in the lives of our kids. We have to sacrifice our own desires to show our youth the right way to go. I know you might want to listen to some of that stripper music but if your kids are in the backseat listening to it too, you are teaching them who their role models should be. And it's not you. Listen to the music if you want to, but then turn it down and explain the song and how the message is backwards. Explain to the youth the problems with the music and teach them how to reject the messages the same way you claim that you do.

But truthfully, you're not really rejecting all of the messages. The music you listen to is dictating your mood. A lot of you singles are so desperate for love because you're listening to Usher, Chris, Trey, and Drake all day. You can't tell me that you can listen to them all day and not want you some loving. Men and women are being raised by artists who don't have any raising themselves. The artists becomes your momma and daddy. They become the reason for your mood swings. Pay attention to it next time. Each time you hear a song it makes you feel a certain way. It triggers certain thoughts and it dictates your life.

I don't listen to unhealthy music unless I'm studying it so I can refute the messages.

Check what you're listening to. "Your input will determine your output and your output will determine your income."

Bless you,
Tony G.

*Catch me LIVE on the REAL LOVE TOUR!

*If you have a general question that you'd like me to address on the blog please email advice@tonygaskins.com with the subject: BLOG QUESTION

*If you need something positive to listen to, grab my Motivational Spoken Word Album

Should You Give Your Man A Threesome?

A man who wants a threesome is trying to fulfill a void from his childhood. He thinks that sexual pleasure is connected to manhood. He's still hurting from mommy-wounds, daddy-wounds, and being overlooked in many ways as a child. He is searching for himself. He is being raised in a fatherless society by celebrities who glorify a sexually immoral lifestyle. Point blank, PERIOD!

I've received a lot of questions from women asking if they should give their man a threesome because he's been asking for one. Some women have already given their man a threesome. I've even heard tell of a foursome. On that foursome, y'all are doing the absolute most and you need to sit down before you get sat down.

Let me tell you this. A man who really loves and respects himself, and also loves and respects you, will never ask you to have a threesome. Even if in his wildest imagination he wouldn't mind a threesome, he wouldn't ask you. A man only asks a woman for a threesome if he sees her as a piece of meat, a play toy, an accessory not a necessity. That man does not respect women because he wasn't raised to or taught to. He most likely was overlooked by the women he admired at one point in his life. Something about him made him very insecure. I've known men who have threesomes and in each of them there is always a void or deep rooted insecurities. It could be something as simple as he was shorter or taller than everyone else all his life and it made him feel ostracized or alienated. It could be because he didn't have a father in his life and his mother wasn't much of an influence because she was so focused on herself. It could be that he was seen as unattractive all his life until he became successful or grew into his face. It could be he was bullied for being a pretty-boy, light-skinned, from a wealthy family, etc. Or it simply could be because his idols glorify the lifestyle. A lot of men are being raised by rappers who are either lost, confused, or lying to themselves and the world. You'd be surprised at how past pain and insecurities cause humans to act out.

What happens when you give into a threesome?

• You start something that you won't be able to finish. Once you stoop to that level and give away that self-respect, you will never get it back. If you change your mind and want to have a normal relationship, that will most likely be the end of the relationship.
• If you are asked to have a threesome, it's not from a faithful man. You've been getting cheated on the entire time. A man doesn't go from 100% faithful and focused on you to having a threesome. I know because after I'm a faithful man and even when cheating was on my mind, hell would have to freeze over before I'd ask my wife for a threesome. So a man asking for a threesome is out there wild and reckless, but you've just had your head buried in the sand because you were desperate for love.
• Once you allow a man to fulfill that lust, that desire will grow. Lust isn't like thirst, it's not quenched when you give into it. Lust grows and gets stronger every time you give into it. To control lust you have to starve it, not feed it. 
• Your man will want so many more women that one day he will be over you and move on with the next best thing. Even if it takes 10 years to happen, it's going to happen. A man who gives into that type of perversion isn't the type of man to be satisfied with one woman for the rest of his life. 
• The other women you bring into your bed will catch feelings for your man and he will catch feelings for them. They will also have one on one sex behind your back. It's just a fact. 
• You ruin your chance of having a happy, healthy, wholesome family and marriage. Sex outside of marriage is a sin. Sex with another person outside of your marriage is a sin. I'm not just speaking against God, but against your body. It creates soul-ties that become nearly unbreakable. Those acts began to eat your relationship alive from the inside-out.
• It will never be the same. 

What to do if you've already had a threesome? 

That's up to you and your heart. Being a man, I don't think you can change that man. He has to want to change and he has to want God's help. He won't be able to do it alone. He's not strong enough. He has to have a reason to change. You won't be enough, a child won't be enough. It will have to be something that happens to him. The feeling of unhappiness and emptiness will have to overtake him and push him to change. 

If it were me, I'd ask for a change of lifestyle from him. Then I would sign up for therapy as individuals and also do couple's sessions. I'd get professional feedback. Then I'd weigh it all with my heart. I'd ask myself if I really believe that things can be repaired. Then I'd watch my partner closely to see if I can see any changes. If after all that I still feel unhappy, incomplete, lonely, lost, and confused. I'd get my life, leave the relationship, learn lessons from my mistakes, accept the consequences of my choices, and start over fresh. 

That's just me though. I'm monday-morning-quaterbacking so it's easier said than done. It is a solid plan of action though. It does help and it does work. I help clients do it everyday. 

Let me tell you about your man: 
Your man isn't a man yet. He is a grown-boy. He is still hurting. He is still lost. He is trying to fill a void that has no bottom. It will never be filled by having random sex with randoms and inviting plagues into your bedroom. Your man needs a life coach, a therapist, and a counselor. He also needs a Holy Bible, a true life's purpose, and a mission in life. Success, money, fame, notoriety, etc is not enough for him. He can have all of those things but still have no purpose.
You have to stand your ground. You have to pull back. You have to let him go so he can grow. If he truly loves you, he will change. If he's unwilling to change, he never really loved you and he isn't ready to change for you or for himself.

Let me talk to your man! (Show him this):
My man. I know you're hurting. I know you're unfulfilled. I know you had a rough childhood. I know others have made this lifestyle look cool. I know it's been said that this is what being a man is about. I know it's hard to be different. I know it's hard to be disciplined. I know it doesn't seem to make sense that you should be with one woman for the rest of your life. I'm here to tell you that it's worth it. I live it. I haven't always been the man that I am today. You think you had women? You haven't had women. When I was broke, busted, and disgusted I still had women. I had more women than I could count. Any woman I ever really wanted, I had. I had women and I gave women away. I had so many women I had women on lay-away and rent-to-own plans with other men. Every guy who knew me came to me if they wanted a woman to sleep with for a night. I didn't respect women or understand women. I was hurt. I was confused. I was lost. I was a grown boy. That's why I go so hard on God's team to help restore the hearts of women today because I used to persecute the hearts and minds of women daily. I'm a sell-out now, you're right. I sold out to God and that's who I work for. It's painful giving away the game everyday and denying my flesh. It's painful not being able to play the "game" that I played on the highest level. It's not easy but I do it because it's worth it. I've experienced something new that I'm going to tell you about.

It all changed at about the age of 25. I now realize that a woman is the greatest gift to this Earth. You couldn't pay me to cheat on my wife now. I wouldn't sleep with Beyonce for a million dollars even if she was single and ready. I mean that with everything in me. Why? Because I tried it God's way. I became 100% faithful to my wife in mind, body, and spirit and my life changed in ways I didn't know was possible. I experienced side effects like happiness, peace, success, joy, content, favor from God that passes understanding, and so much more. I will NEVER go back to the man that I once was. I don't even cheat with myself, if you know what I mean. I save every ounce of sexual energy for my wife. As a result, I couldn't be happier and my relationship couldn't be better.

Know this, your woman loves you with all her heart. Any woman who will give you a threesome loves you. She loves you even though she doesn't love herself. It doesn't mean she's nothing, it means she's lost and searching for someone to love her just like you are. The problem is that neither of you know what love is. Give real love a try. Be faithful to your woman. Give yourself to her. Marry her and love her the way God intended for her to be loved. I promise your life will change for the better. I promise you'll experience a peace and a favor that you can't put into words. I'm living this. If you think I'm lying, try to set me up and then let the jezebel report back to you about how bad I hurt her feelings. Four or five years ago I would have fell for it easily, but now I know for a fact I'll never go back to that way of living. I have to say that confidently and believe it because if I leave any room for doubt, the enemy will move in for the kill.

Man-up!! It's that time!! Be different. Stop trying to fit-in and stand-out! The world needs you. Your kids need you.

Young lady, let me talk to you:
You are worthy. You are a child of God. You are His prize creation. He gave you influence which is one of the greatest gifts you can have. You are the backbone of the world. Without you, there is no world. Without you, we cease to exist. You run the world because you have to receive the seed and turn it into a child who can change the world. The world evolves around you. You have all power on Earth. If the adversary wants to take down any man in the world, he has to go through you. You're more addicting than any drug. Your power is right beneath the power of God and you were made in His image.

Now from this day forward, never forget what I just told you about yourself. Never forget your worth, your power, your influence. Use it sparingly. Use it wisely.

If you ever meet a man who doesn't want to give you His world, keep moving. God created you to share the world with your man. He gave man dominion over the world, but He gave you influence over that man. That's how your ancestors have either destroyed men or made them great. How you use your influence is your choice. Know your worth. If you've never been told, now you know. Go forward boldly. Go in confidence. Go in peace. Love yourself and know that you deserve love. Never settle. Never give away your influence for "love." That's not love. Love won't ask you to live on your knees. Love won't ask you to go against your true nature. Love won't ask you to compromise your self-respect. That's not love. You can't be so desperate for love from someone else that you sacrifice the love for yourself.

Ok, I'm tired of typing. God bless you both!!

Tony G.

*Catch me on the Real Love Tour coming to a city near you

*If you have a general question you'd like me to address please email advice@tonygaskins.com with the subject: Blog Question

*I understand there are exceptions to every rule. If you had a threesome and now your relationship happy, healthy, and whole, God bless you. That's your story but that's not the case for the other 99%. I know because I coach couples from 6 different continents and your case is not the norm.

*Please seek professional help. I am a professional life coach, but I am not a therapist. I can support you and help push you into greatness and purpose but you need more than me. You need God's help too!

*To the men and women who I have stepped on your toes, I meant to. When they heal you will walk a lot better.

We have history but not a future!

Just because we have history does not mean we have a future. It may be a friend, a family member, or a lover. You have to be willing to cut your losses if you're no longer gaining anything from the relationship or friendship. Gaining in this sense means growth, forward progress, and a healthy relationship. People change for the worst sometimes and you have to recognize that and change the people you're around. 

I have loyalty to God and myself first. I came in alone and I'm going in the ground alone. I won't let anyone help me get there faster by stressing me to death. Sometimes you may have to cut someone off for a season just so they can see that you're willing to live your life peacefully without them. Misery loves Company and I refuse to be either of them. I refuse to be Miserable and I refuse to be the Company. I stress myself out enough. I don't need someone else stressing me on top of that. 

We often confuse loyalty with a lack of self-love. To keep someone in your life who doesn't respect, appreciate, or genuinely support you isn't loyalty. That's a lack of self-love. Loyalty is being loyal to yourself first and loving yourself enough to demand equal treatment. Everyone in your life should reciprocate the love, respect, and support you give them. If you're always there for someone when they need you but they're never there for you when you need them, that's a sign they aren't really on your team. 

I'm not an advocate of quitting or giving up just to quit or give up. I'm an advocate of self-love. I'm an advocate of self-respect. I'm an advocate of win-win relationships and friendships. I'm not into settling. I'm not into suffering. I'm not into struggling, on purpose. There are those who say "everyone today just wants to give up and quit." Naw bruh, you need to stop playing games with people's hearts and minds and give them a reason not to quit on you. But if you're an adult and you're playing games and giving someone half of you but expecting their all, you need to be quit on. I hope you get quit on TODAY, just so you learn that you have to be in or out. You can only get out what you put in. You can't deposit $50 into an account and then withdraw $200. It doesn't work like that. 

I'm writing this today because yesterday I received a lot of emails to advice@tonygaskins.com and everyone was asking "how do I get over this person if we have this and this and this together." It will never be easy. You may have kids together, a business together, and decades of history; but if your present relationship is killing you slowly, that person can't be a part of your future. 

Here's what I do: 

1. My last message is nice and cordial to let them know that I'm not walking away harboring hate in my heart. I'm forgiving them and I'm forgetting them. 

2. I block them from my phone, social media, and everywhere else except the Lamb's Book of Life. 

3. I don't answer them in any way or to anyone else about them. I've turned them over to Jesus. Won't He do it? 

4. If I've given them too many chances and we aren't blood they will never hear from me again unless I pass them in the streets. That conversation will be so cordial and quick they won't know what happened. 

5. If we are blood, I wait until I get a release in my heart and their heart, mind, and attitude has changed. Then I'll give them another chance because family is forever, sometimes!

6. Don't get me wrong. It can be my mother, my father, my sister, cousin, uncle, aunt or whoever. If they have stressed me down to my last nerve and then they start tap dancing and A-Town stomping on that last nerve, I'm going to turn them over to Jesus just like I'd do the guy or girl next door. I REFUSE to go to my grave early because of someone else's foolishness. Family is not a good enough excuse to stress to me to death. Jesus and I love you but He told me to cast my cares on Him so I will let him carry your burden of messiness. I can't do it. 

7. I always remember something I learned from my journey. Sometimes you have to let a person go so they can grow. Sometimes helping becomes hindering. Sometimes forgiveness turns into slavery. You can forgive and love from a distance. Just because you don't talk to someone anymore does not mean that you don't love them or that you haven't forgiven them. Don't get it confused. 

I hope this helps.. 

Blessings, 

Tony G. 

*If you have a question that you'd like me to address on the blog please email advice@tonygaskins.com with the subject title: Blog Question

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