Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Are men influenced by their friends to cheat?

Do you want to believe that your man only cheated because his friends pressured him to?

Well, that's not the case. Peer pressure ends in high school for most men. Some men will go into their adulthood still following the crowd, but most men make decisions for themselves even if it is what everyone else is doing. He did it because he wanted to do it.

Contrary to the popular belief of most women, men are actually supportive of their faithful friends. Deep down every man wants to find the strength to be 100% committed to one woman at some point in his life. Therefore when he sees a man who has the strength to be committed, he admires him. If he's a real friend he will never ask him to cheat. The cheating man really desires to graduate to the faithful life one day.

Men who cheat will talk about it in their circle but they won't tell their friends to cheat. The only time men support cheating is when they feel their friend is being taken advantage of or being cheated on. There may be some opportunities to cheat but no man wants to be the reason for another man's breakup. It's just not the case. If your man cheats on you it's because he wanted to. He may use his friend as a scapegoat but it's not his friend's fault that he cheated. He made the decision as a grown-boy to cheat on you. He has to pay the consequences for that.

I've been around some of the biggest dogs in the world and they wouldn't encourage me or any other man in a relationship to cheat. A relationship is seen as God's work and it's respected by most people who are on the outside looking in. Yes, there are some homewreckers but it's not as common as you may think.

So if your guy is having a "guys night" every week and you know he's actually with his friends, that may just be a healthy time that he needs to wind down. If he turns that time into his time to cheat, hold him accountable and don't let him use his friend as a scapegoat even if his friend did influence him to cheat. A grown man has to be able to make healthy choices based on what's best for his life, no excuses.

Tony A. Gaskins jr.

*This question was submitted by a reader. To submit a question please email advice@tonygaskins.com

Are you insecure in your relationship?

Are you insecure in your relationship?

Do you question your partner too often?

Why are you insecure?

There are few main reasons that people are insecure in their relationship.
1. You've been cheated on before: If this is the case that means you need to heal. If you've moved on to a new relationship and now you're questioning your partner for no good reason that means you're still damaged goods. If you've been cheated on by your current partner and you haven't forgiven, that's an issue as well. You may need to take a break from relationships and take time to heal before you deal. Take a course like Real Love University. Read a book like Real Love. Fall in love with yourself and date yourself for a while. Once you find it in your heart to forgive your ex for the pain they've caused and you're bored with single life, you can move on. Bored with single life doesn't mean you're desperate for love. It means that you're ready for the next chapter in your life.

2. You have low self-esteem: If this is the case you have to change the messaging that you've been speaking to yourself. You may need to hire a life coach and hear positive affirmations weekly. You may need to do a few sessions with a therapist to understand the root issues. You also need to stop comparing yourself to others. Know that you are enough and that you are worthy of love. Once you get it in your mind that you deserve the love you have, then you can begin to enjoy it.

3. You're cheating or thinking about cheating: This fact is something that people don't like to confront. A lot of times we accuse our partner of doing things that we've done or thinking about doing. We know if put in certain situations we would cheat or consider it, so we automatically assume our partner would do the same. "It sounds like you have a guilty conscience!" Have you ever been told that? If so, that's exactly what it is. Once you tidy up your life and your heart is in order, you'll stop assuming that your partner has bad intentions for the relationship.

Those are just a few reasons you might be insecure in your relationship. It's important that you take time to heal from the past and make sure that you're balanced in life before you get into another relationship. A relationship should be free of insecurities.

Insecurities in a relationship are like termites in a house. Eventually they will destroy it. ~Tony A. Gaskins Jr.

*This topic was submitted by a reader. To submit a topic/question please email advice@tonygaskins.com