Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Fairytale Love Is Real..

I define my fairytale. It doesn't mean that we are happy every second of the day. It doesn't mean that we don't have disagreements. It doesn't mean that it's easy. It doesn't mean that we've never made mistakes.

But it does mean that we are giving our best. It does mean that we are selfless. It does mean that we are happy. It does mean that we don't argue. It does mean that we don't cheat. It does mean that we are teammates and not opponents.

I call it a fairytale because to be in a completely blissful relationship for over the last 5 years is almost unheard of today. I call it a perfect relationship because of what I'm comparing it to. As a professional relationship coach I've come to realize that yelling, fussing, and fighting is normal in most relationships today. If it's not that, then it's cheating. If it's not that, then it's ulterior motives like money, position, etc. A lot of relationships today are shams. Too many people are faking it. We stopped faking about 6 years ago and we started growing.

Here's what it takes to have that fairytale relationship..
1. Both partners have to be willing to do it God's way. That means the husband loves the wife the way Christ loved the church. The wife submits to that type of husband. No lying. No cheating.

2. Both partners have to be selfless. Get over yourself. Get over your hangups. Get out of your comfort zone and into an effective zone. Listen to your partner and hear their needs.

3. Both partners have to be willing to communicate. State what you need and what you want. Express your true feelings in a respectful and timely manner.

4. Both partners have to love the other the way they need to be loved. You can't be selfish. If your partner would rather a movie over a roller coaster, you have to be willing to compromise and they have to be willing to compromise for you.

5. Both partners have to cut out the drama. My rule is: if it's not worth breaking up over, it's not worth arguing over. That doesn't mean we don't discuss it maturely, but it does mean that it can't turn into an argument.

Those 5 things are the biggest things. Whatever you can think of could probably be placed in a sub-category of one of those items above.

My wife and I stopped pointing the blame. We stopped arguing over small stuff. I ignored her small habits that really don't mean anything and she did the same. We both started giving our all. I started loving her the way she needed to be loved and she reciprocated. We started living by the biblical principles. Keeping those commandments of the bible cut out all the drama that you can think of. It's a disciplined lifestyle. To live like that brings order to your life. Order comes before increase.

I'll be honest with you as a man. I used to be very tempted every day to touch another woman. It's in my DNA and it's how I'm wired as a man. But by me living a disciplined life and always focusing on my wife's needs it stole my focus. I don't have the free time to lust after another woman. I don't have any desire to honestly. I can recognize beauty just like any other man can, but I don't have a desire to indulge in that beauty anymore. Why? Because I made my wife my everything. I indulged in my wife. I lust after my wife. I serve my wife. I live everyday to say or do something that makes her feel loved and cared for. By doing that I became overwhelmed with her. I became obsessed with her. She became my whole world and all of a sudden no other woman in the world mattered as much anymore. I can't fully put it into words but I believe it's a part of the mystery that God created. I believe He designed it to be that way. That way we can control that innate lustful desires we have. Now I lust for my wife. I had to make a choice. She had to make a choice. We became teammates instead of being opponents. We stopped struggling for power in the relationship and we both relinquished our power and started trusting one another with our lives.

I can honestly say today that it feels like a fairytale. This isn't a honeymoon phase. I've been with my wife for 10 years and married for 8. If you haven't met anyone who is willing to buy into this idea with you then you probably can't fathom what I'm saying. But I promise you, it does exist. I'm so happy in love. I'm so content. I feel so strong. I feel like I can indulge in this love for the rest of my life. This love that God created is greater than my words can explain. I wish I could explain it better, but all I can really say is that it's real!!

Love yourself. Set standards. Don't accept anything less than you deserve. Be patient until you meet someone who is willing to buy into the idea of real love with you.

God Bless you!
Tony G.

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  1. This was a great read. God bless you and Sherri and your beautiful boys. I hope you and your family continue to be an inspiration as well as a great example of what a Godly couple should be.

  2. ���� for the first time I can relate to this. Its a blessing to have that mutual respect and commitment, with both ppl giving 100%

  3. Real love does exist ! Absolutely loved it.

  4. Real love don't exsist for me....but im happy for the ones who have it

  5. Thanks for sharing! N being so open..def think selfless love do exists but rare ....

  6. Excellent principles to live by, I do think real love exists.... May be rare but that 100% person is somewhere.

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  8. I believe this love exist and I am happy that you found it Tony. May God continue to bless your marriage. I am single and most folks tell me I am picky but I am not going to settle for anybody just so that I can have somebody. I will wait and gather data on the guys and if they don't meet up to my standards I am not going to settle.

  9. Why would a man not give you closure?

  10. I completely understand :-) I am very happy to be blessed with a husband who loves me EXACTLY the way you describe your love for your wife. When we stopped being guarded and began to love each other God's way, EVERYTHING fell perfectly into place. He writes me a love letter every night expressing his gratitude for the day and what he loves about me and I also made a commitment to love him completely. I do my best to show people that this type of love, although rare, is very real. Continue to be blessed!