Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Is it cheating if you're not engaged or married?

I received a question from a guy asking: Is it considered cheating if I'm not engaged or married? He said he hasn't cheated but he often wonders if it could even be considered cheating because there isn't a ring involved. He feels that he's giving a girlfriend, wife benefits. I always tell women not to give a boyfriend the benefits of a husband so I guess he's looking at it from that perspective. Faithfulness isn't only a benefit to your partner, it's a benefit to yourself.

I know a lot of men suffer from this struggle. I've never had the mind or body of a woman so I'm not sure how hard it is for women to remain faithful. For a man I know it once was very hard. Then I realized that once I made my woman my everything, being faithful became easy. I am not tempted at all to cheat now. I am tempted to lust after a nice butt, but not to cheat. I have to check myself if I accidentally scan across a nice set of thighs and a butt because the bible says that if a man lusts in his heart then he has already committed adultery. I tell myself every second of the day while I'm out in public "keep your eyes up." I'm not sure women will ever understand how hard it is for men to gain control of that reproductive instinct that God put in us to replenish the earth. It's a spiritual thing for me. I realize that if the creator created me like this, then only the creator can grant me the strength to contain the desire. I pray for strength daily and I lust after my wife daily. I make my wife my everything. This practice doesn't start in marriage, it starts in dating.

I had the idea that once I got married that I would be 100% faithful. I realized after marriage that the vows and the paper you sign doesn't change those desires. You have to change those desires yourself. Being faithful is a practice and you have to practice it daily. It takes time, work, and a real commitment. It takes a relationship with God in my opinion.

Being faithful to your woman isn't only benefit to her, it's a benefit to you. The sooner you get that discipline the better your life will be. I never learned how to be faithful until I met my wife. Once I bought into the idea 100% my whole life changed. Every part of my life became better. I gained more peace, happiness, clarity and even success. By not cheating it allowed me to focus 100% on my family and my purpose. The focus I gave to my purpose helped me start 4 companies, over 30 streams of income, and my income increased by more than 2,500% in a time span of 5 years.

So what I want my fellas to understand is that being faithful isn't a curse, it's a blessing. It's a discipline. If you can discipline yourself in that area of your life, there won't be anything you can't accomplish. That desire to replenish the earth and to provide a living are the two strongest desires men have. If you can channel those desires, everything changes for the better!

Also please know that if you can't be faithful in dating, you won't be faithful in marriage. The young man who wrote in said he sees his girlfriend as one day being his wife. If you see her as your future wife then you have to make sure you are committed to her now and you're faithful. If you start allowing yourself to cheat now, you may never be able to gain control of it again.

This is a struggle that every man has and women may never understand how or why it's so hard, but I'm hear to tell you that being 100% faithful is possible. I'm not speaking about being faithful for a year or two. I'm talking about longterm faithfulness. I'm in my sexual prime and I'm 100% faithful. I know I'm not the only one and I know that anyone can do it if you really want to. If you give into lust and you allow yourself to lust after other women, that lust will grow and one day it will consume you.

Give the gift of faithfulness to yourself because to cheat on her isn't just against her, it's against yourself.

Don't hurt yourself, help yourself!

Tony G.
*you fellas know y'all are invited to the REAL LOVE TOUR too right? lol
*Upcoming stops on the Real Love Tour -> Oakland(sold out), Cleveland, Dallas, Atlanta, Philly, Newark NJ, Los Angeles ..
*if you have a general question for the blog please send it to advice@tonygaskins.com with "BLOG QUESTION" as the subject.


  1. Ask yourself if you would be okay and consider it as not cheating if she picked up a side piece. If you see her as cheating with her side man, it is cheating for you too. Remember, you reap what you sow.

  2. Yes.. My brother. Very great piece.. Every woman and man should read this!

  3. Yes.. My brother. Very great piece.. Every woman and man should read this!

  4. My thinking is if he has to ask this question maybe he should have a girlfriend at all and just stay single until he is ready to totally commit to one woman. Seems to me that he's keeping his girlfriend around on the back burner but still wants to play around. Stay single my brotha.

  5. I love this man#enufsaid# Lord please produce more men like Tony Gaskins so the world can be a better place. Teaching me so much and my next relationship will be epic!