Thursday, March 5, 2015

Should You Give Your Man A Threesome?

A man who wants a threesome is trying to fulfill a void from his childhood. He thinks that sexual pleasure is connected to manhood. He's still hurting from mommy-wounds, daddy-wounds, and being overlooked in many ways as a child. He is searching for himself. He is being raised in a fatherless society by celebrities who glorify a sexually immoral lifestyle. Point blank, PERIOD!

I've received a lot of questions from women asking if they should give their man a threesome because he's been asking for one. Some women have already given their man a threesome. I've even heard tell of a foursome. On that foursome, y'all are doing the absolute most and you need to sit down before you get sat down.

Let me tell you this. A man who really loves and respects himself, and also loves and respects you, will never ask you to have a threesome. Even if in his wildest imagination he wouldn't mind a threesome, he wouldn't ask you. A man only asks a woman for a threesome if he sees her as a piece of meat, a play toy, an accessory not a necessity. That man does not respect women because he wasn't raised to or taught to. He most likely was overlooked by the women he admired at one point in his life. Something about him made him very insecure. I've known men who have threesomes and in each of them there is always a void or deep rooted insecurities. It could be something as simple as he was shorter or taller than everyone else all his life and it made him feel ostracized or alienated. It could be because he didn't have a father in his life and his mother wasn't much of an influence because she was so focused on herself. It could be that he was seen as unattractive all his life until he became successful or grew into his face. It could be he was bullied for being a pretty-boy, light-skinned, from a wealthy family, etc. Or it simply could be because his idols glorify the lifestyle. A lot of men are being raised by rappers who are either lost, confused, or lying to themselves and the world. You'd be surprised at how past pain and insecurities cause humans to act out.

What happens when you give into a threesome?

  • You start something that you won't be able to finish. Once you stoop to that level and give away that self-respect, you will never get it back. If you change your mind and want to have a normal relationship, that will most likely be the end of the relationship.
  • If you are asked to have a threesome, it's not from a faithful man. You've been getting cheated on the entire time. A man doesn't go from 100% faithful and focused on you to having a threesome. I know because after I'm a faithful man and even when cheating was on my mind, hell would have to freeze over before I'd ask my wife for a threesome. So a man asking for a threesome is out there wild and reckless, but you've just had your head buried in the sand because you were desperate for love.
  • Once you allow a man to fulfill that lust, that desire will grow. Lust isn't like thirst, it's not quenched when you give into it. Lust grows and gets stronger every time you give into it. To control lust you have to starve it, not feed it. 
  • Your man will want so many more women that one day he will be over you and move on with the next best thing. Even if it takes 10 years to happen, it's going to happen. A man who gives into that type of perversion isn't the type of man to be satisfied with one woman for the rest of his life. 
  • The other women you bring into your bed will catch feelings for your man and he will catch feelings for them. They will also have one on one sex behind your back. It's just a fact. 
  • You ruin your chance of having a happy, healthy, wholesome family and marriage. Sex outside of marriage is a sin. Sex with another person outside of your marriage is a sin. I'm not just speaking against God, but against your body. It creates soul-ties that become nearly unbreakable. Those acts began to eat your relationship alive from the inside-out.
  • It will never be the same. 
What to do if you've already had a threesome? 
That's up to you and your heart. Being a man, I don't think you can change that man. He has to want to change and he has to want God's help. He won't be able to do it alone. He's not strong enough. He has to have a reason to change. You won't be enough, a child won't be enough. It will have to be something that happens to him. The feeling of unhappiness and emptiness will have to overtake him and push him to change. 

If it were me, I'd ask for a change of lifestyle from him. Then I would sign up for therapy as individuals and also do couple's sessions. I'd get professional feedback. Then I'd weigh it all with my heart. I'd ask myself if I really believe that things can be repaired. Then I'd watch my partner closely to see if I can see any changes. If after all that I still feel unhappy, incomplete, lonely, lost, and confused. I'd get my life, leave the relationship, learn lessons from my mistakes, accept the consequences of my choices, and start over fresh. 

That's just me though. I'm monday-morning-quaterbacking so it's easier said than done. It is a solid plan of action though. It does help and it does work. I help clients do it everyday. 


Let me tell you about your man: 
Your man isn't a man yet. He is a grown-boy. He is still hurting. He is still lost. He is trying to fill a void that has no bottom. It will never be filled by having random sex with randoms and inviting plagues into your bedroom. Your man needs a life coach, a therapist, and a counselor. He also needs a Holy Bible, a true life's purpose, and a mission in life. Success, money, fame, notoriety, etc is not enough for him. He can have all of those things but still have no purpose.
You have to stand your ground. You have to pull back. You have to let him go so he can grow. If he truly loves you, he will change. If he's unwilling to change, he never really loved you and he isn't ready to change for you or for himself.

Let me talk to your man! (Show him this):
My man. I know you're hurting. I know you're unfulfilled. I know you had a rough childhood. I know others have made this lifestyle look cool. I know it's been said that this is what being a man is about. I know it's hard to be different. I know it's hard to be disciplined. I know it doesn't seem to make sense that you should be with one woman for the rest of your life. I'm here to tell you that it's worth it. I live it. I haven't always been the man that I am today. You think you had women? You haven't had women. When I was broke, busted, and disgusted I still had women. I had more women than I could count. Any woman I ever really wanted, I had. I had women and I gave women away. I had so many women I had women on lay-away and rent-to-own plans with other men. Every guy who knew me came to me if they wanted a woman to sleep with for a night. I didn't respect women or understand women. I was hurt. I was confused. I was lost. I was a grown boy. That's why I go so hard on God's team to help restore the hearts of women today because I used to persecute the hearts and minds of women daily. I'm a sell-out now, you're right. I sold out to God and that's who I work for. It's painful giving away the game everyday and denying my flesh. It's painful not being able to play the "game" that I played on the highest level. It's not easy but I do it because it's worth it. I've experienced something new that I'm going to tell you about.

It all changed at about the age of 25. I now realize that a woman is the greatest gift to this Earth. You couldn't pay me to cheat on my wife now. I wouldn't sleep with Beyonce for a million dollars even if she was single and ready. I mean that with everything in me. Why? Because I tried it God's way. I became 100% faithful to my wife in mind, body, and spirit and my life changed in ways I didn't know was possible. I experienced side effects like happiness, peace, success, joy, content, favor from God that passes understanding, and so much more. I will NEVER go back to the man that I once was. I don't even cheat with myself, if you know what I mean. I save every ounce of sexual energy for my wife. As a result, I couldn't be happier and my relationship couldn't be better.

Know this, your woman loves you with all her heart. Any woman who will give you a threesome loves you. She loves you even though she doesn't love herself. It doesn't mean she's nothing, it means she's lost and searching for someone to love her just like you are. The problem is that neither of you know what love is. Give real love a try. Be faithful to your woman. Give yourself to her. Marry her and love her the way God intended for her to be loved. I promise your life will change for the better. I promise you'll experience a peace and a favor that you can't put into words. I'm living this. If you think I'm lying, try to set me up and then let the jezebel report back to you about how bad I hurt her feelings. Four or five years ago I would have fell for it easily, but now I know for a fact I'll never go back to that way of living. I have to say that confidently and believe it because if I leave any room for doubt, the enemy will move in for the kill.

Man-up!! It's that time!! Be different. Stop trying to fit-in and stand-out! The world needs you. Your kids need you.

Young lady, let me talk to you:
You are worthy. You are a child of God. You are His prize creation. He gave you influence which is one of the greatest gifts you can have. You are the backbone of the world. Without you, there is no world. Without you, we cease to exist. You run the world because you have to receive the seed and turn it into a child who can change the world. The world evolves around you. You have all power on Earth. If the adversary wants to take down any man in the world, he has to go through you. You're more addicting than any drug. Your power is right beneath the power of God and you were made in His image.

Now from this day forward, never forget what I just told you about yourself. Never forget your worth, your power, your influence. Use it sparingly. Use it wisely.

If you ever meet a man who doesn't want to give you His world, keep moving. God created you to share the world with your man. He gave man dominion over the world, but He gave you influence over that man. That's how your ancestors have either destroyed men or made them great. How you use your influence is your choice. Know your worth. If you've never been told, now you know. Go forward boldly. Go in confidence. Go in peace. Love yourself and know that you deserve love. Never settle. Never give away your influence for "love." That's not love. Love won't ask you to live on your knees. Love won't ask you to go against your true nature. Love won't ask you to compromise your self-respect. That's not love. You can't be so desperate for love from someone else that you sacrifice the love for yourself.

Ok, I'm tired of typing. God bless you both!!

Tony G.

*Catch me on the Real Love Tour coming to a city near you

*If you have a general question you'd like me to address please email advice@tonygaskins.com with the subject: Blog Question

*I understand there are exceptions to every rule. If you had a threesome and now your relationship happy, healthy, and whole, God bless you. That's your story but that's not the case for the other 99%. I know because I coach couples from 6 different continents and your case is not the norm.

*Please seek professional help. I am a professional life coach, but I am not a therapist. I can support you and help push you into greatness and purpose but you need more than me. You need God's help too!

*To the men and women who I have stepped on your toes, I meant to. When they heal you will walk a lot better.

20 comments:

  1. That was great Tony. I wish my husband would learn but he is in the grown boy stage. Hes faithful but he questions God and Gods word. But anyway thank you for the article.

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  2. May God bless you for this write up, may knowledge never depart from you. I am proud seeing a young man like you doing great things in the name of God! I pray someone learns from this article,bodies are the temple of God! In this evil world which we live, very soon it will be something else not just 3somes!and the devil never sleeps ! You have to love yourself and be firm on your choices! And God will never forsake you.

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  3. Don't let this world tell you that you have live life like a porn star. You can throw down in the bedroom but you shouldn't have to go that far to keep your man happy.Some guys just aren't one women type men. I'd say that needing a threesome would qualify. Give yourself a chance and move on. The world population is in the trillions. You should be able to find someone else. Know your worth.

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  4. Everything you speak on and write about is nothing but the truth. I wish someone had told me what I know now sooner...it could've saved me a lot of heartache. But I guess I needed to go through those things so I could really learn and grow. I was desperate for love for many years. I went into a relationship with someone who was no good for me thinking and hoping I would gain his love. So I gave and gave...and he just took and took leaving me completely empty. There was no love. There was no trust. There was no respect. He kept saying he would change...that he would do better, but he kept making the same mistakes. Lying. Cheating. And I stayed thinking I was being a good girlfriend by hanging in there. But it got to the point where I just couldn't take anymore. I felt like a fool. I was a fool. I had to really do some self reflecting and ask myself, "Why am I still here?" It was because I was desperate for love. It took a lot for me to leave him but I finally did. I still have to deal with him because we have a son together and we're co-parenting. I try to be as cordial as I can, but it still hurts...he never apologized. But I've stopped being desperate for love and I've started loving myself.

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  5. Thank you so much and God Bless you for your transparency. So , Real/Truth. The World needs to hear it. Bless your Wife the Woman of God, she's also showing the Women there's hope .šŸ™ŒGlorytoGod.

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  6. Your message and teaching touched my heart deeply ...i can feel that God is talking to me through you. Thank you so much and God bless you more and your family too!

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  7. I don't agree 100% with everything you said but none the less, 3 somes are corny. fellas, respect your lady and ladies, respect a brother too.

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  8. Thank you for your words everyday. You have been such an inspiration to me and my life. I have no clue as how this instance you are speaking on is because I have never went there or even thought about it but I know it touched someone today. Your words teach so much about self love and self respect. I thank God for creating a human such as you to be a blessing to someone. Continue to be a blessing to people of all walks of life.

    Stay Blessed,
    Priscilla

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  9. Thank you for this. I was this close to stepping into something possibly sexually exploitive. I was this close because I thought that would be the only way to have some kind of love / acceptance from a man in my life. Thank you for your words. They have empowered me to say No to that man. I like to think of myself as an empowered, liberal, and strong woman. Truth is I am broken because of my past experiences. I need to allow myself to accept defeat and heal and come back stronger. Thank you so much again.

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  10. Thanks Tony God bless you as well... God bless you and your lovely beautiful family..

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  11. So, noone is going to tell you how full of shit you are?Yeah, it's the man's fault. He's lustful, evil, and wounded. You can't be serious with all this misandry. The thirst is real.

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    1. I'm sorry sir it's not about being right or wrong but I agree with him whole heartedly. This type of man do not respect him self the relati is in it with or the woman who is in it with him. he's unhappy and he's definitely suffering from mommy and daddy issues. I get it sometimes it hurts especially when a shoe fits your feet...

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    2. I'm sorry sir it's not about being right or wrong but I agree with him whole heartedly. This type of man do not respect him self the relationshiphe's in, or the woman who is in it with him. He's unhappy and he's definitely suffering from mommy and daddy issues. I get it sometimes it hurts especially when a shoe fits your feet...

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    3. Happy belated birthday, & I must say this is an excellent read. I've had conversations with both the grown boy and the man & I definitely agree with you. Thank you for shedding light on this issue for misguided men and women.

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  12. Happy birthday Tony and I wish you many more keep speaking the truth I'm learning God bless you!!! #It's a Pisces thang# March 6th

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  13. I dated a man who wanted a threesome and when I asked him why and got various answers from him, my mind came up with the exact same conclusions that are written in this article - grown boy mentality, insecure man, a hurt / hurting man... And I left him because I honestly couldn't see a man like being able to lead me and provide stability and direction...

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