Saturday, May 9, 2015

Lay Down Your Life For Your Wife

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; (‭Ephesians‬ ‭5‬:‭25‬ KJV)

I'm in bed on this Saturday morning. My wife is sleeping next to me. I'm lying here thinking about the sacrifices I make to put a smile on her face and wondering where the inspiration comes from.

It comes from the scripture I posted above. If you read Ephesians 5 you'll see that before that scripture there are scriptures telling the woman to submit herself to her husband. I saw those but I didn't pay as much attention to them as I did to the one for me. The one for me told me to love her as Christ loves the church. Being a Christian I look up to Jesus Christ and I live His lifestyle because I've found it to be a healthy and productive one. It has worked wonders in my life. So when I draw the parallel between Christ and the church to my wife and I, it's life changing. Christ died for the church. He carried out a mission and was selfless in the process. Nothing was in the sacrifice for Him. It was all for His followers.

I decided to love my wife that way. I have to love her selflessly even if there is nothing in it for me. All I can do is hope that she will reciprocate the love I give, but I can't focus on the reciprocation. I focus on the giving.

By me taking the lead and leading with love, it changed our marriage. The first two years were rocky. We contemplated divorce privately numerous times. It was rocky because we were doing it our way, not God's way. Our way is selfish. God's way is selfless. When we started considering one another and not just ourselves, things changed drastically.

My wife was once very stubborn and hard-headed. Now she's the opposite. She's the opposite of who she was because I'm the opposite of who I was. When I sacrificed my wants, needs, and desires and I made her my priority it transformed everything. I laid down my life for her. I sacrificed for her. I gave and didn't ask to receive. It changed her heart, her mind, her spirit, and her outlook on life. I know her inner circle who knew of how stressed she was with me in the first two years are scratching their heads now. I hope they don't miss the drama because there won't ever be anymore. Why? Because I'm loving like Christ. Once you experience this type of love you don't go back.

I learned that in order to receive you have to give. I received peace and happiness when I gave all of myself to my wife. I closed off the possibility of cheating, abusing (physically, verbally, emotionally), lying, deceiving, manipulating, and everything else that is unhealthy for a relationship. I created a safe haven for her. I washed her with love. I made her wish my command. I put her first. I loved her the way she needed to be loved instead of the way I wanted to love.

Today, I can honestly say; My marriage is perfect. It has been perfected through a Christ-like love. There is no arguing. There is no cheating. There is no break-up to make-up.

We catch little attitudes that last all of 5 minutes. We quickly snap back to the Christ-like mindset of "be slow to anger." We check ourselves and we check one another. We subscribe to a higher standard of living. One that is rooted in selflessness. It has changed everything.

Real Love is real! Peaceful love is real. Stress free love is real!

Tony A. Gaskins Jr.
www.TonyGaskins.com

Real Love Tour: www.tonygaskins.com/events

13 comments:

  1. I just want to say THANK YOU for all that you do!.. Your messages/videos are so powerful and speak nothing but TRUTH. I can't begin to explain how much your messages help me every single day. It's one of the things I look forward to the most when connecting to Facebook. You have helped me on so many levels thru my relationship struggles and now my spiritual journey. Your video about domestic violence really hit close to home. You and the relationship you share with your wife are so inspiring! I hope you can visit St Louis to speak one day. Again, thank you for YOU and everything that you do. God bless you and your family!

    ReplyDelete
  2. You're a good man.. when I show my boyfriend your quotes he says you don't know what your talking about. I tell him your speaking the truth and he agreed and says know I'm going to expect him to be like you are with your wife and children. As of now he wants me to be the one to sacrifice to put him first above my only son to get rid of my animals not to text my friends all the time. He wants all my attention. Then when it some to the weekend he is ok for me to hang out with my friends because he drinks from Friday to Sunday evening. I love him like christ loves the church but in order for me to get more from him I have to put him first and everyone else last.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The bible says for HUSBANDS to love their WIVES like Christ loves the church. He is not your husband, and even if he was, HE would be the one loving you like Christ loves the church.

      Delete
    2. No matter what you do you cannot get that man to change unless he wants to change himself.

      Delete
    3. I understand that he is not my husband and marriage is all I wanted from him but know that is the last thing on my mind. we just spoke today and again he is assuming that I will not be there for him if he is ever in a time of need I told him over and over again before that I would always be there for him. Plus he has never been in that situation to know if I would be there or not. I also told him I would expect him to be there for me I just lost my cousin and uncle in a day of each other and he did not even go to the funeral with me to be by my side his excuse is he can't be around large crowds I've always been there for him with his family because I choose to and I love them as much as I love him I don't understand why its so hard for him to do the same.

      Delete
    4. Sounds like God is not manifested in His life. I am 100% sure he is not the one for you. You have close ties with him, but it is better to leave the relationship now than to wait it out hoping he will change. The man does not agree because words like that are foreign to him. He also sounds controlling and mean. God desires to save him but it will require you leaving him. Let him go.

      Delete
  3. These are words to my crying heart as I'm going through a divorce after only 2 years of marriage. After being cheated on, I lost trust and was very angry all the time. My soon to be ex-husband claims to have left me and my daughter (2 months after I had a miscarriage of our own 1st child together) because I was miserable, angry and violent and he wanted to be happy. But reflection of this scripture reassures me of my worth and value in deserving a "Christ-like" husband. Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you so much Tony. This is the answer as to why my previous relationships never worked out. All I ever wanted to do was love and be loved. Except I loved and gave my all while being cheated on, used for sex, etc. That is the past. I now seek the kingdom of heaven. I deserve a Godly man. I won't settle for anything less. I've been through so much crap with these grown boys. I am tired of being sick & tired. God knows who is best for me. God will send me the right one at the right time in my life. I've been happily single for 5 years. Sorry I am rambling but am so excited for what is to come for me. I am excited how far I've come. I went from hating my self and not knowing my worth to loving myself and knowing I deserve a Godly man.

    ReplyDelete
  5. This literally brought tears to my eyes. It almost seems impossible for people (in general) to think this way. Many men & women are so self serving even if they were raised in a 2 parent household that applied bible principles. My mother had always been pretty submissive by taking care of us & household duties while my dad did the bread winning. A lot of what I learned about not settling for "no love" was from my mother who had been married to my unaffectionate father for over 30 years. I've received plenty of love & affection from my mother & very minimal from my father. I refuse to settle into an unhappy, unhealthy relationship just for the sake of ego or finances. Life is what you make it & I prefer to live mine spiritually sound.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Beautiful message! God bless what you do!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thank you for writing this. I am blessed with a Godly husband that loves me like Christ loves the church. Praise the Lord Jesus Christ!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thank you for writing this. I am blessed with a Godly husband that loves me like Christ loves the church. Praise the Lord Jesus Christ!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. This is the type of loving marriage I have longed for. My husband and I have been separated for almost a year after being married over 15 years. I have prayed and held out hope that during this time apart we could come together and make things work and have this type of marriage. Unfortunately though I don't foresee this happening, he hasn't made any changes nor admitted any fault on his part to cause the separation while I on the other hand have accepted my shortcomings and admitted to them. Just knowing that a loving, selfless marriage can exist is giving me comfort in knowing that I must let go and move on.

    ReplyDelete