Friday, March 27, 2015

Will he wait?

A lot of women are deciding to abstain from sex until marriage for many reasons. The problem comes in when trying to date men who are accustomed to having sex while in a relationship.

I received a question from a young lady in her 30's who has decided to start dating again. She said she's trying to live by God's principles and save sex for marriage. She keeps meeting men who are Christians but don't want to live by God's principles about sex.

Since I've been a life coach and a speaker I've met two NFL virgins who were waiting until marriage for sex. One of them actually did it and I haven't checked back with the other one. I also met an NBA player who waited 3 years without sex until he married his wife. That was all I needed to hear to know that it's possible. If a man with that kind of money and opportunity can discipline himself enough to wait, then why can't a normal man do it?

I didn't have to wait until marriage and I can't say that I wouldn't have. If I met my wife and she decided to wait until marriage, I would have married her quicker. I believe a man will wait for anything or anyone he feels is worth it. We had sex because we were conditioned and programmed by pop-culture that it was the thing to do. That was 10 years ago. There is a shift happening now and because of the state of relationships people are becoming more thoughtful about their actions.

There were women who wanted me to wait longer than I wanted to and I left them alone. The reason is because they weren't what I was looking for in a wife anyways. That's the key. You have to be what he wants and needs. If he won't wait, you're not the one. You can't compromise your beliefs to be please a man. The man who is for you will respect you and will wait for you. I've polled hundreds of men asking them: "Will you wait until marriage for sex if the woman is the one you want to marry?" 90% of the men said yes. In fact, the only men who said no are the ones who were in front of their girlfriend who they were already sleeping with. He'd already talked her out of the sex so he wasn't about to let me reverse his hard work by giving her knowledge, self-worth, and self-respect that he'd already talked her out of.

I recommend doing it God's way. That's where the blessings are and less stress is there. Some women say they have sex because they want to. No, you're having sex because you've been conditioned and programmed to have sex to keep and to please a man. So you give a boyfriend the benefits of a husband and claim that it's all your idea.

If a man leaves you for having standards, let him leave. If a man can't see the bigger picture, he's still a grown boy and will probably cause you more pain and stress than peace and happiness.

Has marriage worked even when the couple had sex while dating? Yes! Does that mean it's right? No!

I believe we suffered in the first two years of our marriage because we had sex before marriage and weakened the foundation of our relationship. Build your relationship on friendship, not sex. If sex couldn't be part of your relationship, would it still work? If one of you had a stroke and couldn't have sex anymore, would there still be love? If one of you has a surgery or is hospitalized and you couldn't have sex, would there be infidelity? A lot of men even cheat on their woman while she's pregnant. That's because the relationship was built on lust and sex, not love and friendship.

So my message to you is; if your legs are closed, keep them closed. If your legs are open, close them.

To the men, zip up your pants. Do something out of the norm and build a relationship on friendship. Let the lust build and fulfill it when you give the woman a commitment until death do you part. Be the man and take the lead; and lead with love. Let it be your idea to wait until marriage for sex instead of being forced into it by her. You won't die without having sex. What you will gain is self-control, self-respect, focus, will-power, determination, strength, and so much more. I didn't gain those things while dating but I wish I did. I gained them in marriage by being faithful to my wife. So not only wait until marriage, be faithful to her while waiting. Challenge yourself and grow through it!

Blessings,
Tony G.

The Real Love Tour : Oakland, Cleveland, Dallas, Atlanta, Philly, Newark, Los Angeles

30 comments:

  1. Totally agree. I got an email from a few people who are reading your blogs and I told them the same thing. It's worth the wait. A lot if times we engage in sex to fulfill a physical craving that usually can't be truly satisfying unless we care for the person. Learning to not be solely physical when it comes to sex is important so that you are not a slave to your body. You control your body, it shouldn't be the other way around. I still struggle with giving into my physicality on other areas but freeing myself of my need to be physically fulfilled by someone outside of me is something I've overcome by the grace of god. If a guy knows what I have to offer and understands that he cannot find it in another women, he will wait. I've experienced it in past relationships. Building a fun, loving friendship with any potential future mates is the foundation. The more you know yourself, the more you have to talk about, you're more fun as a person because you're confident and you're not worried about saying something to turn a man off. If it's that easy for him to walk away, the sooner the better, and keep it moving. Also, you should refrain from telling him what he needs to do to gain your trust because then he does what you say to suit you and then it fizzles out. You should let him feel comfortable enough to be his compete self , good and bad, so that you can decipher whether or not he's coming in with done deal breakers, or if you can really make it work. Confronting a man about his lack of attention, flirting, or lack of loyalty will only make him cover his tracks. Be tactful for the purposes of finding the truth within a man and your relationship with him but do not do it to be manipulative and play "the game". Just my personal opinion.

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    1. Great perspective and right on time too! Thank you for sharing!

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    2. Love this! Thank you! Definitely on point.

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    3. Right on point! The man I am dating stated "be patient" and "remind me". However I feel that if you truly love or care for someone, the first time I told you anything about us you will make the change. Therefore confrontation will only make him cover his tracks. I will set a deadline in my mind and stick to it.

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  2. What if you wait until marriage and the sex is just terrible? Alot of people just arent sexually compatible

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    1. You're probably asking Tony but I wanted to say that you can always teach a man to do it the way you like it. You have the rest of your lives to spend as much time as you want making love until it's what you want it to be. On the flip side. WHat if you don't wait until marraige and the guy is the best in bed that you've ever had, and it doesn'twork out becuase you two aren't emotionally compatible? That's like a punishment to yourself. You can't erase that amazing sex from your mind easily. It's like torture. I wouldn't want to do that to myself.

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    2. Maybe I'm an optimist... I don't know...

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    3. I'm sorry I don't want to have years of bad sex trying to teach someone. I tried before and that definitely didn't work out.

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    4. On the flip side I'm way more selective about who I share myself with and I don't sleep with someone unless we are friends and i respect and care about that individual. And if it doesnt work out you gotta be ok with just walking away with those great sex memories

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    5. I love that you are an optimist and I think you should stick to it. I just have a different way of thinking at this time of my life.

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    6. If you can handle that then it's whatever works for you.

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    7. thank you, i appreciate the mutual respect :-)

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    8. Sure:) I was going to say that ince you have had guys who were both good, and bad in bed. You would probably recognize if a guy isn't going to be good.so you probably wouldn't have that problem if you waited. If that is a deal breaker for you.

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    9. honestly one was decent in the bed and as his feeling grew for me he just got worse. I know it sounds crazy but its the truth lol. Maybe he started thinking too hard and the other finally confessed that he was in to like rough kinky stuff. I respect peoples interest but beating someone with a belt until you draw blood does not turn me on in the slightest.

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    10. Don't get me wrong, I don't rush into bed with anyone but if i'm really interested I want to experience their sexual side too.

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    11. I understand. I've had those too. It made me wish I didn't have that talk with him about trying something new... It was way out, in a bad way.

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    12. I only promote celibacy because I am celibate and I know the peace that comes from it. I've gained so much spiritually from respecting my body, sexual energy, and who I share it with.

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    13. lol i like how you worded that. honestly i abstain from sexual intercourse when im not interested or dont feel like someone is good enough to enjoy that side of me so i totally understand.

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    14. God can make you sexually compatible!

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    15. As a man it is very sad to hear a woman say she thinks she can handle sex before marriage. And he excuse be, what if the sex is not Good? That is least of your concerns and an invalid one. All you are simply doing is making an excuse to do what you want to do. Or have we now become smarter than the God who said sex before marriage is a sin? Do we now believe God is NOT capable of doing anything? Do we not trust Him? If you are a beleiver there is a lot of sin in not only your thoughts but also the act of pre marital sex. So if you are a beleiver humbly ask Jesus to help you see things clearly. And if you are not a believer you are free to do whatever you like as you have chosen to serve your own desires. So the question is what are you? There is no in between in this area.

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  3. To be more clear... You want to REAL thing. You do not want someone who is putting up a facade to please you. It's never a wase of time to take your time in getting to know who a man, or women, really is. It's only a waste of time, when you waste your own time by giving the other person a play by play of what you want them to be to be got. Don't waste your own time by creating a man that doesn't exist becuase he showed you who he was and you didn't listen.

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  4. Thank you Tony for your time and for providing insight on this question. It's appreciated!

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  5. People mistake celibacy with something out of the norm! It is actually biblical instructions that EVRYONE should abide by. In this way, when you meet your "Rib" or you’re "Boaz" then there will be no questions whether or not that person is for you. If we were still abiding by this rule, you wouldn’t know whether the person was "good" or "great" in bed because that would be your 1 and only sexual encounter BEFORE marriage. So, of course we stray and don’t obey the "Biblical Instructions Before Christ" but, once you come into your self-awareness and you know who you are AND who's you are, celibacy would not be as hard as people think it is. And yes, I am celibate and the commitment that has been made between me and Lord shall not be broken until HE (the Lord) says otherwise. Be Blessed.

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    1. Celibacy is not normal in my immediate world, and it never has been. I find a lot of Tony's followers are but that's becuase that's what he's pomoting. Aside from that, I agree with everything else you said and it's great to see that you are follwing God's blue print. That's awesome:)

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  6. Great blog. My girlfriend and I have been together nearly 2 years. I told her upfront that I was practicing abstinence until marriage. We are building a relationship that is founded on love and not lust.

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  7. This ministry you have is truly blessing me!

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  8. Wow! This is just amazing! & Stacie Digby, I like ur way of thinking.

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  9. I've been dealing with someone on and off for 7 years, I'm 24 now and our relationship was build on sex. Were trying to work it out right...Is it possible to rebuild and start over now that sexul boundaries have been crossed?

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